Yr7's suffering from mental health problems.

[KDMB]

Hi everyone,

My DD is in Yr7 now and has started self harming. I've got her a counsellor and I'm hoping in time she'll start feeling better soon with lots of love and support. Just wondering if anyone else has found this to be a hard for their child in regards to mental health problems as it turns out quite a few of the children in Yr7 are suffering with suicidal thoughts or self harming.
Is it the pressure of secondary school?

I'll start by saying I have no direct personal experience of this aside from a child the same age and one older. I'm so sorry this is happening to your child. You must be very worried.

I did find that my oldest was an entirely different child, less stressed and happier, more her year 6 self when we removed her phone in the holidays.

I found that Year 7 was I rife with bullying and social pressure hugely exacerbated by mobile phones. Does she have one and could you remove it to see if things improve.

There's a recent Channel 4 documentary with Emma Willis and her husband. Some of the children participating [year 8] openly admitted to having better mental health, stopping self harming and panic attacks as a consequence of giving up their phones for a month. Perhaps watch it with her and see if it provokes a conversation?

Thank you so much for your response. She does have a phone and I'll look into doing this to see if it helps her.

I think tread has nailed it.

It’s the social pressure that with SM is even more than when experienced.

But what a great parent you are seeking her a counsellor immediately and I really hope it helps

The rise in children suffering with poor mental health is multi faceted

increased pressure re tests : sats etc
large class sizes / teaching crisis, high turnover, supply etc

screen addiction
exposure to what others are doing / say they are doing / what they have - leads to poor self esteem / poor body image etc

reduced participation in social functioning in the real world / increased virtual world

poorer diets / nutrition

poorer sleep - time and quality - screens !

my advise would be back to basics of health -
nutrition/ fluids / sleep / exercise / pleasurable activity / real work connection

anxiety management skills
address Low mood - work on pleasure / sense of worth / productivity- away from screens

emotion regulation skills -
why am I self harming - what distress am I communicating / managing ??

how else can I communicate my distress /
manage difficult emotions ??

seek professional help - assume nhs / school provision is overstretched and inadequate-

pay private if u can -
when we were in this boat, I went into debt for this, and now out the other side have no regrets about that

Perhaps read The Anxious Generation book. For us, the phone was hugely negative. So much low level bullying - removal from WhatsApp groups, exclusion from WhatsApp groups, seeing your ‘pals’ on WhatsApp stories socialising without you. When you actually look at what they have to contend with compared to what I had to contend with at the same age, it’s mind blowing. Then add in tik tok, grooming on Snapchat (pretty common) and it’s no wonder. We removed screens almost entirely in Y8 but I believe the damage is done and it will take my child a long time to recover. Parents need to know that smartphones are really really bad for a lot of kids before the brain matures. Some kids are mature for their age and do fine with it, any kid who is emotionally immature (lots) will truly suffer.

Totally agree with this 👍

Thank you all for your replies. I will be taking this all on board and have ordered the book.

Yes absolutely! My son found it so difficult and developed habits where he would pick his scalp, pull out hairs and bite his fingers. There is so.much pressure and its such a difficult time for them hormonally and socially. Plus being the youngest in the school. He would say he still hates school, but he his habits have lessened over the years and now in year 9 he has more of a 'don't give a shit' attitude which is actually better for him (not getting into trouble, just a bit more relaxed). School did get him help in year 7 (a weekly support group for kids that were struggling) and again at the end of year 8 (weekly counselling). But I had to fight to get him both as he was good at masking. The GP referred us to early help but early help told us to.go through school. Buck kept getting passed. I hope it gets better for your DD. It's sadly so common.

Although the first few posts mention the pitfalls of social media. Part of this might be the school itself; rules, size, cliques, testing.

My daughters going through a real rough time atm I feel completely lost and out my depth... im trying to navigate through all the motions and were working closely with her GP, CAMHS and healthy minds. Ive decided to pull her from school for the remainder weeks before the summer holiday, shes been made to come off all social media and WhatsApp groups and im changing her phone number, her issues are solely based around school, one friend in particular, shes very suicidal and as a mother its absolutely soul destroying im not sure how to deal with said situation I feel like im just plodding through. X

My daughters went to a school in which many girls (mostly) self-harmed. It was terrible for their mental health. The school did nothing about the problem, even though self-harm increases suicide risk. In the end, we moved our daughters to a small school where hardly anyone self-harmed. To me, there is very clearly a social contagion element to this.

Since it is a general problem at your child's school, I would speak to the school and ask them what they are doing about it. Will there be a parent information evening, how do they support pupils and teachers, etc? Could you move your child?