How do I cope with my sons autism

[Hev106]

I have a 2 year old son (my only child) who shows many signs of being autistic he doesn’t speak at all but babbles, he was a late walker and he has a lot of tantrums. He knows what everything is and does but has limited understanding and you can’t give him simple instructions, he is super clingy to me aswell, he hasn’t officially been diagnosed but we’re going through the processes now. I find it so hard not to be jealous of people that have children his age and even younger who are ahead of him in most aspects and I hate myself for feeling that way because it’s not his fault, I know I shouldn’t compare it’s hard not too, I find myself crying alot because I don’t know how to deal with it, I’m so scared of what the future holds for him and if he’s able to get the support he needs. I feel so alone I have no one to talk to who can relate to me, I can see that people are uncomfortable around him because they don’t understand him or they don’t know how to act around him, none of my family ever try to see him and I feel like my mum doesn’t engage with him as much as she does her other grandchildren because he’s not like them and it brakes my heart even further for him because he’s already being treated differently for something he has no control over. I need someone to tell me I’m not alone here and there are some of you out there who feel the same way or going through the same thing. I never post on things like this but I need an outlet. Thank you for reading.

Hey, big hugs to you. I’ve been in your shoes to an extent, at 2 my son was similar to yours although he did start speaking single words when he was about 2.5. Also my family was very supportive and he has a really special bond with all of his grandparents just like his siblings, I think this makes such a difference, also that I already had another child. you must feel so alone with this. The thing that really saved me was finding others in my situation. I joined a couple of local FB pages for parents of kids with SEN and went along to some groups and also responded to messages from mums with similar aged kids and asked if they wanted to meet up. The amazing SENCO at my sons nursery also put me in touch with the mum of a little boy she’d had at the setting previously who was similar to my boy.
you definitely go through a grieving process with this when it starts to sink in that your kid is different and they aren’t necessarily going to just wake up one morning and be behaving the same as every other child of the same age. and I’m not saying it ever goes away completely but at some point it does get start to get better and you feel a bit more positive and start to see the things your child CAN do not just the things he can’t. Finding a supportive nursery / preschool is also a game changer. Basically you need to find some support. If you are in Surrey I can recommend a great FB page. Sorry if any of this is garbled I’m on a very bumpy coach right now!

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way OP. I am sorry I have no advise for you, but I just came on to say, some shit grandparents have favourite grandchildren, regardless of whether the other grandchildren have autism or not, and as a parent it's normal to feel upset about it. I personally would keep my distance from those who make you upset.

Hi OP!
My little man is 5 and recently been diagnosed with ADHD and ASD. However probably from around 2/3 I felt something may be different and he had struggles in certain areas, particularly with emotions and meltdowns. He went to nursery at 3 and that is where they began talks about behaviour and him needing an EHCP, diagnosis etc. At the time I was a total mess. Possibly in some denial, felt cheated, depressed, anxious, envious..all of those emotions. But mainly worry about the future and what it would look like, would he get the help etc and be ok. Fast forward to now and we are all in a much much better place! He has his EHCP and support at school, the diagnosis and support from professionals and is an amazing kid, am sure like your little one is. I feel it’s like a lot of things, it takes time. Time to adjust to the diagnosis and time to accept and work with it. Now I have reached that point it has given me a new sense of freedom and I have realised that I am exactly the Mum that my boy needs. As you are for yours. You are a great Mum and you will get there. It does take time but you will be ok! I was in such a hole but it gets better. Yes we have bumps but I now realise it doesn’t stop him being him, he has his needs but is my gorgeous boy.

You say you’re in the process is that via GP? What support has been offered so far? Xx

Also echo what the above poster said, you will find your tribe :) people who understand, have kids with similar needs etc x