MY 4 year old bullied at school

[Kriskadm]

Hello,

Just wanting to know your thoughts . My daughter has joined reception and off late in the last 2 months she has been very upset and cranky on coming back home .

SHe later came out to me that other children gang up and bully her , push her from slides and she wants to be friends but they are like 'go away' and 'you are not allowed to play here' and constantly irritating her and laughing at it . All these occasions my daughter has informed the teacher about it and the teacher has warned them is what she says to me .

Another big revelation from her is that she was made to sit outside in the play area by other chidren and they told her to sit there repeatledly and all of them went to the class leaving her alone there ,my daughter was sitting there all alone for god knows how many minutes when the teacher came and scolded her took her back into the class despite her saying that those children made her to sit there .

Her friend who is 5 year old girl, has been constantly pinching her private parts and has even told her not to tell to teacher . that girl is always with teacher and knows very good english . My daughter speaks good english but she is still not very fluent enough and when she is upset she cant really communicate well in english about what she is going through or she might have told and no action was taken

I am deeply upset about this and just gathering my thoughts as to how to deal with this . This to happen to a 4 year old is very unacceptable and they are just 4 !

I have recorded what my daughter has told me , it might have been very difficult for her to come out to me , she used to cry for hours at night everyday :(

Is she summer born? I would be taking her out and starting her again in another school next year. There are lots of summer born groups on Facebook who will be able to guide you on the process.

I would also be calling social services about the girl who pinched your DD's privates, she has learned that from an adult, poor thing.

ya she is summer born . Wil be going to key 1 this september 2025

You need to report to the Headteacher if the class teacher is not doing anything. I would consider moving schools as she is young and the impact will be less now rather than when she is older.

With regards to the girl who is pinching her private parts, this needs to be reported to everyone. Class teacher, head teacher, and social services. You don’t pick that up as a 5 year old without seeing it or it happening to you. It is a huge safeguarding risk!

Email the head teacher and the class teacher to say what has been happening. Including pinching private parts. It should be taken seriously. If it isn't, escalate higher

I would seriously consider moving her. It won't disrupt her schooling at this stage and this could be a horrible pattern that is difficult to eradicate, even if the school gets its act together.

The child pinching her private parts is not her friend and that is not normal behaviour in a very young child. She's probably had it done to her by god only knows who..

If you do move her you could try doing some work with her around assertiveness .You could do some role play with her where you act as a playground bully and she has to resist by shouting no! Or answering back or creating a scene which dissuades the bully from further attempts at intimidation.

Oh OP, I’m sorry, your daughter is being hugely let down by the school. As others have said, someone pinching her private parts is a safeguarding issue. You should contact the headteacher and ask for a meeting with him/her and the Designated Safeguarding Lead (DSL) - sometimes in primary the Head is the DSL as well, in which case I’d ask for the Deputy DSL to also be present. The touching of private parts needs to be properly noted on their school safeguarding log. And whilst they cannot tell you what action they will take re the other child/family, they should be able to reassure you with what steps they will take to keep your daughter safe. There should be a proper written plan and a named person in the classroom/at breaks responsible for supervising the other child to ensure this does not happen again.
As for the bullying, again, this needs a proper plan for integration and encouraging friendly play. Ask to see the behaviour and play policy. They may need to do some while school work around kindness and play. Our school have recently done this as playtime’s were getting rough. The class teacher and any other adults who she comes o to contact with need to be fully aware of the plan and be able to support, not scold her, if there’s a problem.
There should also be a person at school responsible for children where English is an additional language. Again, this may be the DSL/head. I would ask what the school does specifically to support these children, especially when they are upset/experiencing difficulties.
I wouldn’t rush to move her yet if the school is convenient for you, nor hold her back a year. Nor do I think she needs to work on her assertiveness. She’s 4 and should be protected and supported at school. If the head/DSL are not helpful, please go to the governors and ask to speak to the Safeguarding governor (every school must have one). Often, it’s just a case of raising the issue formally with the head/DSL in order to ficus everyone’s attention. I hope things improve.

This is horrible and makes awful reading. Your poor daughter. Reception is meant to be a great experience.
I would be looking to move schools and give her a fresh start before she comes to hate school. And you need a meeting with the Head, the class teacher and Head of Safeguarding.

Have you spoken to the teacher about this? Children in reception can find it hard to verbalise what has happened or miss out parts. You are only hearing one side of the story . You need to find out from the teacher and support staff what is going on.

Also, the teachers must be told about the gentian pinching. They will need to be made aware of this and record it.

Have you spoken to the class teacher about this? I would arrange a meeting with the class teacher immediately and tell her everything your daughter has told you. No teacher and particularly no year r teacher will want that happening in their class. If you have spoken to the class teacher then email the class teacher and copy in the head, the dsl (one that is not the head) and the chair of governors. And include everything your daughter has told you and very factually what was said in the previous meeting, what she said she’d do and what has happened since.

Thank you all for the messages I have arranged a meeting with the class teacher and will tell her all and also would ask the details of the safeguarding team and inform them as well.

I would ask to speak to the school's SAFEGUARDING OFFICER. Ask to see the school's ANTI BULLYING POLICY. Write down everything that your daughter has told you, the dates it (bullying) happened, teacher's name(S)
This is serious, and needs to be addressed correctly, speak to the head teacher, and ask to see the SAFEGUARDING OFFICER - to make it MORE official, put your request in writing. This is not acceptable behaviour from children OR teachers. Safeguarding concern. GOOD LUCK x

I agree - I would not automatically go straight to the headteacher as I cannot believe a class teacher would let this go if fully aware of the situation.

Obviously teachers need to protect children at school but they also need to teach them how to manage some relationship issues independently. The teacher must not have realised how serious the situation is - especially if there's a language barrier - and perhaps has been waiting to see how things developed before stepping in more.

The CT will probably want to discuss this with the head and SENCO and may set up a meeting herself with you, in response. Going behind her back without checking and seeing what she does first, seems unkind.

Oh bless her, that sounds tough. Before you do anything else you need to have a proper conversation with her class teacher and see what she says about it all.

You definitely need to report what your daughter has said about another child touching her inappropriately as this could be a sign that child is being abused.

Ideally you need to come up with a plan with the teacher about how they will help your daughter and what they are doing to manage any unkind, bullying or inappropriate behaviour. If the teacher doesn't seem willing to make a plan you need to escalate to head and safeguarding lead at school.

If the teacher does come up with a plan you are happy with, you can agree to check in again with the teacher each week over the next couple of weeks. If things aren't improving you need to escalate to head teacher etc.

Yikes. It is sexual abuse, never send her there again. She's being traumatised every single day that she goes there, even by the 'friend' she has.

I’d have gone to the head teacher and whipped her out the school the very next day until resolved. I wouldn’t send her back until there was a plan in place.