How to find counselling for 10yo

[CircuitMaze]

We would like our 10yo to see some sort of registered counsellor specifically for children (don’t know exact title to use) as DH and I are concerned about his emotional wellbeing and it’s not getting better.

How do we go about finding a counsellor please? They must be registered with a recognised body - which one/s? Do you see the GP first or just contact one directly?

DS is increasingly saying he wishes he wasn’t here anymore/that he wishes he would die/no one cares about me. When things don’t go his way he is mostly ok with accepting it, but he can also occasionally demonstrate awful behaviour - calling us every foul thing he can think of, refusing to do as he is told etc. Then he suddenly snaps out of it. He can be fine for absolute weeks at a time, then we see this behaviour.

He wants to eat junk/sugar constantly and relentlessly begs for toys in shops/supermarket and can be nasty if he doesn’t get what he wants (I say no, DH is mixed so this isn’t an ideal start - some of this could just be brattish behaviour, but his response can be quite extreme).

He has previously had ELSA twice at school post-Covid but this is obviously not available freely due to school budgets.

He is experiencing friendship issues at school
whereby the school separated him from all
his friends for y4 (school can’t figure out how this happened) and his friendships slowly fell apart, resulting in now in y5 he has no one except one friend (who I can tell he isn’t really friends with somehow- it’s seems that neither has friends and it’s a more of a convenience to both of them). He says he doesn’t want to go to school anymore and wants to change schools but no actual problems getting him to school.

He is immensely distressed about this situation, we’ve spoken to the school and the Senco is going to see if he will open up to her or another teacher (they were unaware of how he is feeling), but of course they can’t make other kids play with him. School said he is well liked, and he doesn’t show any traits that would make other pupils not like him.

So, we would like to see if a counsellor can help him and would like advice of finding a suitable one please.

The registering body for accredited child and adolwscent psychotherapists is the ACP. Trained to doctoral level, properly regulated. There's a postcode search on the website. Some work within group private practices and of course in the NHS (though waiting list long) or in independent practice but hopefully someone near enough to you. Good luck.

Adolescent ..where's autocorrect when you actually need it...

I’m not sure where specifically to find them, but we had pet therapy for my son when he was about 8 and it was wonderful. He just stroked and played with the dog and really opened up with the counsellor. I’d just googled Pet Therapy in the area (Cheshire) and found one who was accredited.

if he likes animals I’d definitely consider this, it def felt less formal and was easier to open up, and he looked forward to it.

BACP is where i have searched; it has not been easy finding someone local enough and with availability

Hello OP. Your boy is lucky to have you seeking this support for him. My own DS had a lot of difficulties last year and we found a child and adolescent psychotherapist. I found her by putting child psychotherapist plus my city into Google and found a few available who were accredited by the BACP. It made some difference to him, and I found it made a difference to me too just knowing we were doing something. Sending all the best to your DS, I hope you find someone who helps.

I'd second this. All other 'find a therapist' places have a hodge-podge of trained people, and BACP even has non-trained members. At least with the ACP, you're guaranteed someone who trained, specifically with children, and did a full-time, four year course.

It's the only trustworthy place

Be careful using Google to search, anyone and their grandma can call themselves a psychotherapist...

But they can't advertise themselves as accredited by the BACP can they?

No, but since BACP cover so much, accreditation is meaningless, and most people can't tell what's a good psychotherapy training and what isn't... why BACP and not UKCP or BPC?

Thanks all. The ACP directory has no one near us - nearest is a 45 min drive (and I don’t drive). The BACP has someone in our town listed who has often been recommended on a local Facebook group.

@surreygirlzz Did making that comment make you feel better about yourself? What a vile thing to say to someone who is worried sick about their child expressing their wish to die.

Nowhere have I said what the consequences are for my child’s behaviours (believe me, there are consistent consequences), asking for junk food/toys (and NO, he does not get what he wants), that you think his friendship issues are because ‘parents need to set boundaries’ etc. You have NO IDEA what my child is going through and if you have nothing productive to say then get off a Child Mental Health forum where your uninformed views are not welcome.

No reason specifically. I work in a school and our visiting (qualified) therapists recommended those with BACP accreditation. Maybe like the OP has found, ACP accreditation is harder to come by/ more expensive? Not sure. I looked up the criteria for BACP accreditation online and looks stringent. Certainly untrue and scaremongering to say it is 'meaningless' anyway!

You can join BACP with any training or without, but you can't stay a member for more than two years without taking an online proficiency test. That won't stop people saying they're a member and looking like a qualifiede and experienced therapists. There are certainly some NHS Trusts that won't accept BACP as a registration, so I would refute the scaremongering allegation.

My advice to OP would be to speak to one of the ACP therapists in that 45 mile area and see what they can do online, or if they know the people who work in OP's area. They might not pay for the 'find a therapist' service, but might still be working. It's a place to start at least.

It could also be worth contacting your GP and asking if there are Children and Young People’s Social Prescribers in your area. They can do work with wellbeing needs and can also signpost and refer to other services in the area.