Advice please - DD 11 who finds no joy in life

[TrioG]

I’ve posted previously about my DD who is 11 who is struggling with her mental health and is under CAMHS.

Can anyone advise how to find some joy in life for my DD she constantly concerns herself with ‘wasting’ her days off school (currently half term) but any suggestions I make fall on deaf ears and end up in frustration for us both.

We spent yesterday with her grandma who she loves dearly but it was hard for her,
I could tell she didn’t feel well emotionally and physically and she pushed herself. And so when we spoke about it today she said yesterday was ok.

Ive asked her what she would like to do today and she has no ideas,ive suggested things but she doesn’t want to do anything. And so we end up in this cycle of ‘wasting’ another day I’ve told her if staying at home is something she wants to do and will make her happy that’s ok but her response is nothing will make me happy and she does things just to make me happy.

Ive tried to explain that having plans although we may not feel 100% is a way we can try to make the most of our days off and she can tell me at any point if she wants to come home.

But again I just get a response of nothing will make me feel well or make me happy.

Am I approaching it wrong ?

Hi, I have a 12 years old, so my first thought would be, is she watching something on line ? i would ( and I do) investigate what’s she watching on line for example. TikTok, YouTube etc, Just because now a days a lot of young people talk about their feelings on line and about depression etc and she might be watching and believing that she also have it, which spirals into a real thing if you let it go.
my son mentioned a few times and I always ask where did you hear that ? And talks to him and explains about mental health, then jumps into the importance of going out, be out in the sun (for vitamin D= energy=happiness) and the effects of exercising in the body.
just a little clue, try and see what you think. 11 is a difficult time for girls specially with all the hormones and things going on in our bodies :(
I hope it helps x

What does she do on the ‘nothing’ days? Does she have a tablet?

One of mine was like this in some ways. I found splitting the day into 2 halves can help as once they think "Oops, I didn't do anything with half the day" they are more likely to want to do something after lunch. Or if they do something in the morning they can relax after lunch and have it as a reward, not "nothing". A general rule was to get outside at least every other day (every day preferable obviously but not always possible). I counted an hr long dog walk as a "job done" for example, loading dishwasher, meet friend in park, read book, do a kit from Christmas, plant something etc etc. Maybe you can make a load of suggestions, stick them up on a wall/fridge and ask her to pick one each day?
The good thing about listing what has been done is you can see what you do each month, so I like to do that too as sometimes the lack of structure can make you feel like time is passing you by. If you actually start writing out one thing a day you can get a fairly impressive list going!

Did her low mood start all of the sudden or does it have a specific trigger (bullying, trauma, loss etc.)?

What I would do is to stop verbalising the wish to make her happy. It can put a lot of pressure on a kid. Then organise things(tailored to her interests) and just go. Don’t leave it up to her to pick, again, too much pressur3, especially if it’s coupled with making her happy. Don’t go overboard, just a few days here and there that involve going out and spending time together. If you need to check just ask “did you have a good day today?” And if she says “it was ok/all right”. That’s good enough and just reply “great, I’ll look into doing /booking it again”.

Are the school aware of her issues? Does she have any support there? Does she have friends?