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URGENT, PLEASE HELP

13 replies

Kkcc2 · 20/03/2025 17:53

Just need advice on where to go with this. Child (8) has made me aware of many things her dads girlfriend has said to her in terms of commenting on her looks, what she can and cant wear amongst a lot of other little things. She has come home and told me that she went round her dads after school and almost immediately was greeted by his partner doing "the loudest scream she has ever heard" telling her to get to her room, no hello or anything. Whilst in her room, understandably, she was crying her eyes out having not known what she had done. His partner has then stormed upstairs and started to shout and swear at her all because I had cut her a fringe into her hair (something she has been begging for for weeks as all her friends have one). Her dad then come up and started shouting and swearing at his partner all whilst my daughter sat in her bed crying her eyes out, covering her ears. Her dad then threw a glass of juice over his partners head before pushing her out of the doorway which led to her stumbling back and almost falling over and stormed downstairs. His partner then slammed her door shut and told her to stay in her room. They then proceeded to argue downstairs and her partners daughter came in to check if she was OK and whilst doing so didn't fully shut the door behind her. Her dad and partner then came back up and his partner began shouting and swearing again, accusing my daughter of leaving her room to listen to their 'private conversation', she didn't attempt to correct her as she knew she wouldn't believe her. Later, her dad told her he would buy her any takeaway she wanted and she mentioned to me she thought he was trying to make her forget about what happened.

My daughter said she didn't speak to her till around midday the following day until they decided to take the children out and his partner took her shopping telling her she would buy her anything she wanted, again mentioned by my daughter that she knew why she was doing this. On the way home they decided to stop at a restaurant of her choice, again, the same response.

Ironically enough, I messaged 2 months ago telling him my concerns and asking him to speak to our daughter 1 to 1. I finally messaged again asking for an update and I received a huge message back saying basically I was making it up and she is obsessed with his partner and 'doesn't need protecting from her'. The following day all of the above happened. I have messaged making him aware I know of what happened and told him under no circumstances is anyone allowed to shout, scream or swear at our child in such a manner, but I have had no response.

I'm not sure if I'm overthinking or if i'm well without my right to take this further, I spent so many years being put down and being made to feel silly for the smallest thing whilst with him that I think I just need some confirmation.

TIA

OP posts:
Jubbly2841 · 20/03/2025 18:01

I’d stop contact.

Maitri108 · 20/03/2025 18:04

I would insist on contact with her dad only.

Not2identifying · 20/03/2025 18:27

'Divorced kid' here. Say 'Dad only contact' or it's no contact until you've had a chance to take him to court to make 'Dad only' the only option.

Kkcc2 · 20/03/2025 20:00

Bump

OP posts:
DrummingMousWife · 20/03/2025 20:03

Dad only contact. Take it to court for an order if you need to. This woman is unhinged and not safe for your child to be around.

Kkcc2 · 20/03/2025 22:16

How do I go about dad only contact? This is obviously what I am thinking but as he lives with his partner and we have a 50/50 court order, how can I get the dad only contact put into place? Do I report to child services or is there something else I can do?

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 20/03/2025 23:05

Having 50/50 court order for contact does make this more problematic. How long until she's due back at her dad's? I'd be getting legal advice asap, I'd also be contacting child services and making the school aware of what is happening. Long term going back to court to vary the court order might be the only way to really resolve this.

What is happening is child abuse because the child is witnessing or being subject to abusive behaviour. You need to get what is happening on the record. The relevant bodies like child services, school and child's GP need to be made aware of what your child is being subject to. I'd also ask the school and your GP if there are any mental health supports she can access through them. If you can afford it think of going private. Its another way of getting what's happening on the record, but it would also be good for your DD to get some support to help her cope with what's happened and what may happen in future. There is a legal section on here and sometimes lawyers do answer these sorts of questions so it might be worth asking MN to move your post to that section. I'm sorry your ex is subjecting his DD to this.

Kkcc2 · 25/03/2025 15:59

UPDATE.

I messaged basically saying, under no circumstance will I allow our daughter to be shouted, screamed and sworn at, especially from his partner.

Nearly a week later he has just responded basically calling her a liar and she's telling me what I want to hear (my daughter brought this story up completely off her own back, told me the most detailed story, and repeated the same details when asked another few times). Said they have sorted their issue out after the 'disagreement' they had and basically told her she needs to stop lying and start telling the truth.

I have only experienced her telling a few white lies a couple of times and they were over 3/4 years ago. I'm worried the emotional and mental abuse he once gave me is now being aimed at her. As if he's trying to make her feel stupid about what she saw and try to downplay it, putting it onto her even.

He also put her lying and people pleasing down to my inability to interact with him? I've barely seen or spoken to him face to face for years now as last time he was shouting at me in front of my young child. This used to be a regular occurrence so my partner now deals with the handover.

TIA

OP posts:
sparklynugget · 25/03/2025 16:15

Talk to the school, see if there is anyone there who your daughter can talk to, as pp has said, you need to get her account on record so it is more than just your word against his. I would seek legal advice about how to move forward so the contact is altered. I hope you get somewhere swiftly!

raspberryberet7 · 25/03/2025 18:07

Jubbly2841 · 20/03/2025 18:01

I’d stop contact.

this

mrssunshinexxx · 25/03/2025 18:10

Can’t believe you need to start a thread to ask advice on this. Do not let your daughter spend another second in this nasty bitch’s presence ! Come on!!

Maitri108 · 25/03/2025 18:33

Have you sought any advice on this OP? I gave you a link above where you can get free legal advice regarding contact and Gingerbread have a good helpline, though they can't give legal advice. They can signpost you.

If you download a co parenting app, all communication is saved should this go to court.

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