Kids Coach - Life coach for my Daughter

[BroglieBoy]

Hello!

We have two daughters; our older one is about to turn 12 in a few weeks, and the younger one is over 9 years old.

Lately, we've noticed that our eldest daughter is struggling with negativity and frequently argues with her sister. They seem to be in constant conflict, and it’s becoming quite challenging.

At school, she’s also facing difficulties in making and keeping friends. She often feels left out, especially when her friends don’t include her in games during lunch, which leads to her feeling upset over minor issues.

We’re feeling exhausted trying to help her change her habits and overcome this negativity, but we haven’t seen any progress. She doesn’t seem open to our suggestions for improvement.

Additionally, she has developed a very materialistic perspective. After school, she often shares what her friends did over the weekend, where they shopped, and what they bought, asking us to get her the same things. She seems to want everything her friends have.

We’re considering reaching out to a professional kids coach or child psychiatrist to assist her in improving her habits, overcoming negative thoughts, and supporting her mental health. Has anyone had experience with such professionals and noticed positive changes? Would external help be beneficial for our daughter? Given that some of these services can be quite costly, would a few sessions be sufficient, or would we need to commit to multiple sessions?

Any insights or experiences you could share would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance.

My thoughts are...she's 12, and turning into a teenager, getting hormones, maturing and this all sounds perfectly normal...

Sounds like a 12 year old. I would start by talking to school and seeing if they can sign to someone either a learning mentor or the school nurse.

She sounds like a perfectly typical 12 year old girl embarking on puberty and all that it brings.

Personally, I think pathologising the normal trials and tribulations of the teenage years by sending her to a psychologist or life coach is likely to do more harm than good.

News flash - she’s already has a life coach. Two in fact. It’s called mum and dad.
You’re welcome.

Luckily you have the coach ready to go - yourself. I'm not being smart. Stay close and stick with her through this v normal sounding time (ai also have a 13y).

Ha! X post!

Anyone can call themselves a life coach. It is a completely uncredited profession. Whereas a psychiatrist will have studied for 7 plus years and is a regulated industry. I would definitely focus on a psychiatrist if you go down this route

I’m sure she’d rather have a new pair of the latest trainers than a life coach! You need to strap in and buckle up - the next 5 years are going to be a nightmare of adolescent hormones!

This Op reads…. Weird

or is it just me?

A psychiatrist for someone who’s behaving as almost every adolescent girl does?

You took the words right out of my mouth. Jeez. The world's gone mad.

A psychiatrist for what mental health problem exactly?

You don't need to have a mental health problem to benefit from some sort of therapy.

This is sounds very, very normal - she's becoming a teenager.

Our own little Pollyanna became very moany and negative around this time. Constantly seeing the downside in everything. Comparing her lot in life unfavourably with others'. It was maddening and terribly wearing.

I oscillated between patiently 'letting her have her feelings' - and wanting to throttle her for finding the negative in EVERYTHING, despite having such a lovely life and so many advantages.

It wasn't a brief thing in our case, I'm sorry to tell you, but she's 30 now and it's ancient history. I credit her boyfriend with infusing her with a positive mindset where we couldn't, She's happy, looks at life with more rose-tinted specs and counts her blessings.

Strap in for the ride, OP.

My hunch is she probably could benefit from some third party support

but not for the reasons outlined by the OP

Absolutely correct. But we have been guiding her and supporting her but she keeps coming back with same set of issues.

Yes, she is feeling let down by her friends and keep moaning about it. How I h ever, we guide , she keeps going back to them.

It should have been psychologist. My mistake

Perhaps we both need a coach how to cope up with teenager ☺️

Oh no! I need a mumsnet therapy then!

I think what you need is advice on how to navigate the teenage years, not a life coach for your daughter. I mean, that’s a sure fire way to make her feel insecure and different.

It sounds like you do.

Start by buying some highly recommended books about teenage brains.

Psychiatrist is for more serious issue. I meant to type psychologist. We wanted to offer her that chance of it will benefit her more than our words. Being in s secondary and struggled in making friends then it’s repeats in big school made us think perhaps third party help will be good.

This is perfectly normal and expected behaviour for a teenager.

I understand it's annoying and a hassle (mine are both now through the teenager stage) but this isn't something that getting her a life coach, psychologist, psychiatrist or anything else is going to fix.

Think of it as like the tantrum stage. You just have to put up with it, deal with it, maybe start giving her pocket money etc so she has some choices about money and you can then ignore the "all my friends have this" and develop deafness for the constant falling in and out with friends.

Thanks for the suggestion. We have asked to go and speak to her friends rather than getting upset with it or find some club and make new. Sticking with people who doesn’t make her belonging doesn’t benefit her.