Daughters intense meltdowns

[CoolOchreScroller]

I feel at a complete loss and don’t know who else to talk to. Some backstory my daughter is 7 and has always had pretty intense meltdowns. Recently these meltdowns seem to be getting worse. I’m aware kids are kids but she’s started screaming that she hates me, I hate her, she shouldn’t of been born etc I always try and reassure her that I love her unconditionally and that she’s amazing. I don’t know where she gets this stuff from as I never say these things to her or anybody else for that matter, when she is doing something she shouldn’t be I always try and set boundaries but be nice about it if you know what I mean? This has only happened the past couple of meltdowns but she’s started to try and hurt herself with things such as pencils etc pushing them into her skin I’m afraid this will turn into worse kinds of self harm when she is older? I’m currently going through an ADHD diagnosis and wonder if this could be a factor(if she has it) as her bio dad(not in the picture) also has it? The mam guilt is consuming me is there more I can be doing or is there something I’m doing wrong? Would really appreciate some advice.

forgot to add I did try and speak to the school about thinking she has ADHD also but they kind of just brushed it off as she’s totally different in school, thankyou.

Does anything trigger the meltdowns? Eg, are they after being in public/being at school/ in a loud or noisy place?
How is she at school? You said she acts differently there to home, does she have many friends?
Signs and Symptoms of Autism in Girls - do any of these sound familiar?

Yeah I notice it happens more after we’ve been out or she’s been at school. She’s at school mon-Friday, she seems to do good in school in terms of her work etc her teachers mention she can get distracted sometimes but she never has any meltdowns in school. That’s why I think I got dismissed when I tried to speak to them about her possibly having adhd since both me and her dad have it they just don’t see the side that I see she’s like a completely different child it’s the same if we go out somewhere and she’s around people she’s not used to.
forgot to add she has got a few friends who she always mentions and talks to on a morning while they wait to go in.

Also just been told she can’t do/have something right that minute can cause these meltdowns. I know kids normally do that but just the intensity of the meltdown itself

I'd go and speak to the GP and see what they have to say regarding ADHD and Autism. If they want to refer her because they think that she fits the criteria, ask to go through the right to choose pathway. It's still an NHS service so completely free but the wait time is much, much lower. You'll need to name a service provider (google NHS right to choose providers near me).

Def think about adhd but also food. Is she eating enough? Does she need food the moment she leaves school? Mine was always hangry then and was calmer once they’d eaten a sandwich on walk home

Meltdowns are more common in autistic people than adhd. Autism in women and girls is often missed and commonly cooccurs with adhd. So maybe you and she should also consider that you may both be AuDHD?

Yeah I’ll definitely try that thankyou! That’s how I went about getting mine through the right to choose. And she always says she’s hungry when we get in but I make their teas straight away but she can still be like this even after she’s ate

Struggling with parenting ADHD meltdowns? Uncover expert tips to survive the chaos and reclaim peace in this must-read guide for exhausted parents. Learn more now!

Raising a kid with ADHD can turn your house into a Warzone, especially during meltdowns that shred your nerves. If bedtime fights, relentless yelling, or watching your child unravel while you’re at wit’s end sounds familiar, take heart—you’re not the only one. I’ve cried through it too, with a fussy baby, a fed-up partner, and my 9-year-old buzzing past midnight. These storms are wild and draining, but there’s a way through. This guide unpacks spotting triggers, finding treatments, and dodging blow-up proof that ADHD chaos doesn’t have to crush you.
What Are ADHD Meltdowns, and Why Do They Happen?
ADHD meltdowns aren’t just tantrums—they’re emotional eruptions rooted in the brain’s wiring. For kids with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and sometimes Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), regulating emotions and impulses is a Herculean task. Parenting ADHD meltdowns means understanding that your child isn’t choosing to defy you; their brain struggles to hit the brakes.

Just to say this could have been written about my DD . No self harm ( at the moment) but everything else matches. Diagnosed with ADHD and on Autism pathway. Speck to SENCO at school. The reason the teachers think she's ok at school could be due to masking. Feel free to PM me.