12yo DD suicidal thoughts

[SesTheBrave]

Just looking for some handholding/advice.

My 12yo DD has had a lot of challenges over the last 6 months. She is historically quite self-critical but also known to be resilient and puts a smile on her face and masks what is going on underneath.
She's been on crutches since mid-Dec and is waiting for knee surgery in a few weeks. This injury prevents her from taking part in her favourite pastime- dance. She's also encountered some very unkind children at school and in Nov was diagnosed with various food intolerances. All quite a bit for her to contend with and she has said at times how she feels overwhelmed.

Today she sought help at school as she was feeling low and worried about a group of boys who said they were going to follow her to her bus stop after school. The school phoned me and I agreed to go and collect her rather than have her get the bus. Whilst waiting for me, she confided in the member of staff she was with that she had thoughts of harming herself including thoughts of taking her life as then she wouldn't feel so low and overwhelmed.

I picked DD up and took her to a cafe with some privacy and we had a good chat. She confided in me and I tried to listen and offer her reassurance, hugs and love. She says she feels better for having talked things through. With her agreement, I've made a GP appointment for Wednesday morning.

I knew she was struggling and feeling overwhelmed but had no idea things had got this bad. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all ok for her.

That's brilliant that's she's told you. Would a different school environment help?

Thank you for replying.

Her Head of Year has moved her to a different teaching group (school is large 12 form entry), which has helped a bit but obviously not in terms of going to the bus today.

If she’s struggling that badly at the school I’d be looking at a move. 12 form entry is madness. That’s overwhelming large.

if my child was that scared and suicidal I’d consider home schooling as well. Is that an option for you?

I agree totally.

If my child was suicidal I’d be removing them from that toxic, overwhelming environment and keeping them very close and safe. Education would come second to this.

Education absolutely comes 2nd. It's so sad. If I'm honest, I'd not considered taking her out of school or moving her. I think I need to talk to her Head of Year again tomorrow and if necessary the Headteacher

Exactly. It’s better to be alive without an education than dead and with one. Sorry to be blunt OP but secondary is not for everyone.

Theres time in the future to get educated but years 7 to 11 are wretched for many kids these days. Too many stories of bullying, crime, drugs, knives, harassment and school does little to sort it out. The people in charge are scared too I often think.

Your poor DD is feeling really low. She’s confided in you, now you do need to take some action of some sort and find a way to help her feel safer.

I can’t see how talking to head of year or even head teacher will change things. I hope they can but the large overwhelming setting would have me full of anxiety every day, it’s just too big. It sounds like one of those massive secondaries where lots of kids are just lost and it’s the law of the jungle.

i would be picking her up every day after school until she’s back on both feet. She needs reassurance that she’s safe.

Hello OP, I am very sorry you are going through this with your child. I know exactly how you are feeling as I had similar experience with my DD and it started at about the same age. For us this was long and painful experience but the most important thing is to keep an eye on her. I would strongly suggest you get her into therapy right away (if she is willing), as you will need to have multiple people and agencies keeping an eye on her. Hugs.❤

I will arrange to drop her off and pick her up. I work full time but do have a bit of flexibility.
I'll also give consideration to other schools and possibly talk to DD about looking at different schools to see what she thinks.

Thank you. Sorry you have been through similar. I'm hoping GP will refer DD

Would home education work for you as a family? This is what I’d be looking into if possible.

Not easily. Like I say, I work full time as a HCP. Obviously I'd do whatever it takes to ensure DD is safe and wouldn't say never. I'm actually not convinced that's what she would want either but I won't assume that for her.

I am sorry your DD is struggling so much.
I am glad you are taking her to the GP, the GP will assess her.
But I just want to caution you about posters talking about better to have a child doing x than a dead child. She needs to be assessed. But some children and adults say what your DD is saying when they have no intention of trying to injure or kill themselves. What they really mean is I wish I no longer felt like this...if I was dead I would no longer feel like this.

The GP will assess if she is suicidal or simply means she is very unhappy. True suicidal intention is rare in a child who is only 12, so it is far more likely that she means she is very unhappy.

@SesTheBrave - sending you best wishes. This organisation has some helpful resources whilst you wait to see your GP:

https://www.papyrus-uk.org/communicatingwithyoungpeople/

Education isn’t optional. Might suggest nor is a psychiatrist at this point.

Awful for you but don’t withdraw DD socially without an awful lot more input from people who can help her cope.

Education isn’t optional but school is.

Hi can I speak with you re this. Im going through similar with my daughter