Hi, I dont want to give too much detail as it could be outing, but I am really stressed and need some advice/guidance, please.
I have a family support worker involved agreed to this for early help to support my children due to them witnessing domestic violence by their dad. He was arrested, placed on bail, and then I got a non-molestation order. This allowed me to fully report the abuse, particularly the most recent serious incident, which happened in front of the children.
Over the last seven years, I left twice and then came back with his promises of change, especially when he pushed the idea of buying our forever home for the children. One of my children has special needs and requires stability, and they are all now settled here. My SEN child has school support, and my other two are happy in their school too.
When the family support worker first got involved, their manager acknowledged that there were reports of him hitting the children in the past and hurting me while I was pregnant. They even said that this was also abuse towards the children because they are affected in the womb. The children have also spoken in school about what they witnessed, including serious abuse towards me, and this was formally noted in a TAF (Team Around the Family) meeting. But now, after speaking to him, the professionals have completely changed their tune.
This is exactly his nature he is very good at manipulating people, and it feels like they are now seeing him as a victim rather than the perpetrator. Despite not pressuring for contact for five months, he is now suddenly pushing for it and even trying to push for 50/50 custody. The family support worker has now started saying that he could apply for this, as if its something realistic, despite everything on record.
I applied for a Child Arrangements Order (CAO), but when I mentioned this yesterday, the family support worker didnt seem happy about it. She said it could take months and that the children need contact with their dad. They then tried to push me into agreeing to him taking them for food after school one day and returning them by standing at the top of my garden and sending them across to the house.
The issue is, my non-molestation order states he is allowed on the street but not near my garden. I refused because how can they guarantee he will return the children? How can they guarantee he wont hurt them? I told her this, and she didnt have an answer. I said if something were to happen, it would be on my head for agreeing to informal contact, so I was not comfortable.
They are supposed to be supporting me and my children, yet they are supporting him getting access when theres a non-mol in place, when the children have witnessed abuse, and when he has even tried to hurt them. I have always been the one to stand in the way and protect them.
She also made a comment saying the family court will come down hard on me for not reporting the abuse sooner. I found this really unfair as its well known that reporting abuse is not always easy and can be dangerous. I reported it as safely as I could, and only after losing a baby did I finally find the strength to pull myself up and take action. This is the first time Ive had the strength to apply for a non-molestation order and occupation order, and now that I need their support, they are suddenly changing their tone.
Now they are saying that because I havent pressed charges, the CAO court wont care about supervised contact, even though that is exactly what I have requested. But I spoke to a solicitor who told me that I have done the right thing and that they should not be pressuring me into any informal agreements outside of the CAO.
The solicitor advised me to propose a contact centre in the interim, which I have now done. I want to make it clear that I have never blocked contact I have only ever said it must be safe and supervised. The only reason it hasnt happened sooner is that I didnt have a solicitor before, so I was waiting for the family court to arrange this during the occupation order hearings. They didnt, so I was advised to apply for a CAO, which I have now done.
Had he not spent five months contesting the occupation order, all my time, energy, and legal focus wouldnt have been there I could have focused on sorting the CAO sooner. But I cant be dealing with multiple legal processes at once, and my priority has always been ensuring immediate safety and stability for my children.
The family support worker also told me that the court will want to know why I haven't facilitated contact for five months. I dont understand why they are putting this on me. They are supposed to be supporting me, yet I feel like they are undermining everything Ive done to protect my children. I have never denied contact, I was waiting for the courts to set up something safe so we werent thrown into more instability. My children have already been affected enough.
On top of all of this, I already have more than enough on my plate i have a special needs child who needs constant care and two other very young children. I feel like they see my children looking fine physically and believe him when he says hes never been abusive, despite all the evidence. The same family support worker put my children in therapy because they openly expressed that he tried to hurt me and that they were scared.
I just dont understand after one meeting with him, suddenly they're saying he is desperate to see the kids, and their entire stance has changed. I applied for a CAO thinking they would back me up, especially since I put them as references in everything. I thought they would support the fact that theyve been working with the children and have seen how it has affected them, and how this has affected me as their primary caregiver.
Now I dont know what Ive done wrong. For the first time, I was finally in a place where I could report the abuse and put things in place. I thought I was being supported, and now this.
The worst part is that he is very well-presented, appearances can be deceiving, and he has a well-paid job which they have now told me is even better for him in court. But I have been the primary caregiver for seven years he has never done any of the looking after. His head was always stuck in work, and I picked up his slack. Ive done absolutely everything. There have been times he has ditched them and put others above them, and I have had to do it all alone.
Now, all of a sudden, theyre talking about 50/50 custody.
I am so, so confused. Has anyone else experienced this? What do I do now? Any advice atall would be appreciated thanks in advance