Hello, reaching out for some advice as I’m absolutely at the end of my tether with my husband.
my son is almost four and for years I have tried to explain to my husband how damaging emotional blackmail can be. He just does not listen and continues and other than going to extremes and divorcing him I just don’t know how to make him see how serious I am.
He doesn’t do anything “major” so to speak but he just does not respect my 4 year olds boundaries, routine and requests.
Examples of ongoing things are:
*If you don’t give me a hug/kiss, you have to go and find a new daddy.
(my husband has a beard that my son constantly gets a rash from and tells his dad that his kisses are itchy and hurt)
*If you don’t talk to your uncles on FaceTime, I’m going to work and not being your dad.
(Husband is foreign and he always expects my son to speak to his brothers throughout the day, sometimes it can be 5-10 times - it’s exhausting . I’ve began ignoring the phone to them when my husband is at work.
Not only that he will have to address each uncle separately on a group call but have the same conversation with the 2 of them ….how are you, I miss you, I love you etc. have a good day, bye.
He has absolutely no patience either. He will “play” with my son for a while and get him hyped up like dads do. But he will never read to him, sit and do an activity, play with his toys in the bedroom etc. He just sits on his phone constantly when he is not at work.
then it’s he’s so hyper, he needs a dr , he’s got ADHD. He expects a toddler to sit quietly in a corner entertaining himself!
im just so fed up. I’ve told him things like this are not little things. You have to respect his boundaries, you are teaching him to accept bad behaviours from other people.
you are making his home not a “safe space”
all I get is, I’m ridiculous, he’s only 2,3 and now he’s almost 4.
im literally at the end of my tether. Am I being dramatic? My background and qualifications are all childcare related and so I’ve been on a lot of courses etc regarding child psychology and we are worlds apart when it comes to parenting.
My sons sleep routine is also so messed up that it is affecting his emotions and behaviour at nursery.
my husband works long hours and no matter what time he finishes- usually at least 10-11 at night, he will go to my sons room, disturbing him and waking him for hugs and kisses because he “misses him”.
then when my son is wide awake, sometimes awake then till 3am he will shout at him to go to sleep when he is tired and wants to sleep himself. It’s a constant battle. Don’t wake him up then!!!!
my son hates being cuddled in bed too. He likes his space and gets really hot. But he will expect my son to snuggle into him and sleep being smothered. My husband will wrap his big heavy arms around him and expects my son to be comfortable.
How do I get him to respect my sons boundaries once and for all or am I just fighting a losing battle.
im am currently 8 months pregnant too and due to the waking of my son and his terrible sleep pattern, I feel like I haven’t slept in years myself and with the new baby coming. Even more lack of sleep terrifies me. I want to be the best mum to my children.
I don’t want to be sleepy, grumpy and having the same battles with my husband daily.
ik just so fed up :(