Do I need to contact child protection?

[Anonymous136]

I’m trying to remain anonymous. My SIL is a single mum and has 5 kids. The eldest one who is 10 has told me that her mum:

• doesn’t hug her
• doesn’t tell her she loves her
• makes her look after the youngest (she showers him, feeds him, cleans up after him, changes his bum, gets him dressed)
• she has to take the other two children to school (cross a very busy road)
• doesn’t provide body soap for showers
• washes their school clothes at the end of the week only (sends them in dirty clothes)
• doesn’t help do her hair
• doesn’t help with any of their homework
• fat shames her and says she needs a diet and to exercise (she's perfectly fine weight wise)
• yells at her
• tells people in front of her that she smells and is a disappointment
• doesn’t give her snacks when she asks but will give them to the other kids
• is forced to clean up after the other kids
• tells her she’s dumb
• Compared her to her sister on numerous occasions

she constantly asks not to go home because she doesn’t think mum loves her.
is this abuse? Or just bad parenting?
I would take them all in a heartbeat and would fight for them. I just need to know that I’m making the right call.

Have you or your husband spoken to sil, where are the children's dad in all this.

I think I would probably call NSPCC for their advice. If you're unsure, then it's always best to err on the side of caution.

We have spoken to SIL she doesn’t see an issue. The kids all have different dads with only the dad of the youngest being in the picture, he works away and isn’t approachable

Has she confirmed the points your niece is complaining about?

Yes, you need to contact someone. In Scotland you can contact the headteacher, not sure on elsewhere. There might be more that you're not seeing or being told about. Or there might be someone else wondering if they should pass on what they've seen too. It doesn't necessarily mean they'd be removed from her care, but sounds like SS need to be involved.

She essentially says my niece is dramatic but I have definitely noticed that my niece doesn’t get as much affection (I don’t think I’ve ever seen her hug her) but didn’t realise until my niece brought it up and does a lot for the other kids and around the house etc

Can nice stay with you for a whole, can your husband go to his sisters to see what's actually happening, is she at home all day with the children, sounds pretty chaotic.

Yes, I would contact children’s services. Your niece has trusted you and she should be believed. It’s a real worry when a parent treats one child very differently to the others. SIL needs support but the children’s needs have to come first. My only concern is I don’t know how well children’s services will manage their intervention.

Yes this is abuse. Emotional and neglect (two of the four categories).

Is the oldest a completely different Dad from any of the others?

Reporting isn't going to change the way the mum treats her daughter.

There are 5 kids and 5 fathers. The only one who has been involved with raising his child is the youngest ones father

5 different dads, only the youngest still around but not approachable. Poor kids.

Niece can stay with us whenever she likes but unfortunately we live over an hour away from her school etc so would be a lot of travel back and forth. I have asked my SIL if she can stay with me for a few days and SIL has responded with “no, she can’t stay. I can’t watch them all by myself, I need my baby sitter here”

Mum is a stay at home mum, doesn’t work at all. 4 out of 5 are at school 5 days a week too.

If a child told me this at school I'd be raising it as a safeguarding concern without a doubt. I'd ring her school and ask to speak to the safeguarding lead, or just report through the NSPCC website with all the info and they will deal with it

Is she physically or mentally unwell in any way. Why does the 10yo need to be a carer. Why does she need help with the youngest if their dad is around.

i Think she has mental illness but the youngests dad works away and comes home for a week and she basically makes the oldest look after the others while the dad is away from the sounds of it

The 10yo needs a social services young carers assessment. It sounds awful and unsafe so I would report it to the school safeguarding lead and children's ss. At best she could get support herself.

Absolutely. Your niece obviously feels close to you to confide it. She's lucky to have you. I hope you are able to start the ball rolling.