11 DD intrusive thoughts and OCD. What more can I do to help?

[Joco34]

My DD has recently turned 11. She was bullied verbally and physically up until March time which we sorted out with the school who initially were useless and we got her parents involved, but it has taken its toll. We believe that this prompted the intrusive thoughts and more recently some OCD behaviours.
She is currently under the mental health care team with a Psychologist who she sees every 2 weeks. It has helped and has given her strategies to cope and one of those is telling me when she has a thought so she can throw it away and not do the action the thought is telling her if one is attached. She is amazing and strong but after 6 months things are getting worse. The intrusive thoughts are constant. The OCD is now getting worse. I have spoken to the GP who has forwarded this information to the Mental Health team again to see what they can offer, but what can we do in the meantime?
She has sobbed that she can't do this anymore, that they are always in her head. She sobs about going to school, although the bully situation is better. She gets angry alot too. She is the sweetest, kindest girl and I feel that this is overtaking her world atm. We will pay privately if we need, I just don't know where to go from here.
Any suggestions would be amazing. Thank you

Have you had a look at OCD UK?

They are a brilliant charity offering support including online support groups - there is one for parents too.

https://www.ocduk.org/support-groups/online/

Treatment is CBT https://www.ocduk.org/overcoming-ocd/cognitive-behavioural-therapy/

good luck - it’s a horrible illness but is treatable.

Has she not been offered any medication?

Thank you, I will take a look at the those sites. No, she hasn't been offered any medication, is this even an option at her age?

Hello,

Sorry to hear that about your DD.
Under a private children's Psychiatrist you will be able to ask for medical support. CAMHS can prescribe but it can take many, many months.

If it's an option for you, google is as good as any place to start as that will direct you then you can check out reviews and understand what they can offer.

My 11 year old is on sertraline for obsessive thinking and it has helped enormously.

Hello. Ask to be referred to the Maudsley Outreach team for OCD and BDD, they are at the Michael Rutter Centre in London. Camhs can refer. Speaking from a parent of a child who's OCD started around the same age and is now 17 and only just recieved the proper help, you need to push for the correct help now.
OCD is very debilitating but the Maudsley told us, it's also the most treatable with the right treatment. X
I know what you're going through so big hugs X

Forgot to add, you have the initial appointment in London and then you have the in person sessions in your area.

Also what area of the UK are you in?

We are in Cambridgeshire. Thank you all so much.

I had terrible OCD starting at 13, then another bout mid teens then when I was 21. Am 52 and am well beyond it. Intrusive thoughts had me spinning round in a circle as I felt I must be a horrible person to even think such things. I had a breakthrough when I accepted it was my anxious brain trying to get my attention - because I was actually a nice person and not a horrible one, I would remind myself that my anxious brain knew it would be hardest for me (because I was nice and not horrible) to ignore thoughts about bad things happening to others (and having to do/say sequences to push it away and get a sense of control). So me accepting I was a nice person and not a horrible one and just calmly saying to myself “no, I don’t agree with that” helped me stop going into a spin. Eventually the thoughts lost their intensity and I’ve been fine for 30 years.

I think even though I hated the OCD, underneath it I knew that is wasn’t real but being inside such an intense bubble of a world that I felt I couldn’t ignore, it gave me a distraction from an outside world that scared me because I felt I didn’t have control.
In a way I’m quite glad I had it because when I noticed one of my DC’s appearing to have a bit of a tic I brought it up. I’d gone on for a while without telling anyone about the thoughts as the fact I was having them freaked me out so much and by saying how common they were to my DCs at what I thought was an early stage I hoped to take the sting out of any they might be having.

OCD tends to play on your worse fears. So for example a person with OCD may have an intrusive thought that they may hurt someone for example. It's quite the opposite, they are the safest people to have around because it's the fear that it may happen not that they want to. But then the ocd cycle starts and maybe the person ruminates about it, does rituals or maybe avoids social situations, this makes the OCD bigger and it's being reinforced. The ERP works on breaking the cycle.
The top Maudsley consultant told me everyone has intrusive thoughts but someone without OCD may not even notice them. Someone with OCD tends to fear them and hold onto them more which leads to obsessions.

All this information is so helpful. She seems to be having 'panic attacks' now where she cries and hyperventilates and nightmares have started. She doesn't want to go to school either. My heart breaks that she is suffering.

Have you tried moving schools? Or even moving to a totally new location/new city? Sometimes a complete fresh start can break thought patterns at such a young age.

She has been on the system to move schools but no place has been available. We are now nearly halfway through year 6. If I have to put her on a part time timetable to cope better we will.

Hi OP

I haven’t had time to read the other replies on this thread so sorry if I am repeating things. I just read your post and found it heart breaking as I can relate to it so closely.

I recently got diagnosed with OCD in adulthood. I’m early thirties. However, I now recognise that I had it most of my life and that a lot of my distress and anxiety as a young child was linked to OCD. Unlike you, my parents were sadly not informed about OCD and it wasn’t recognised as such until recently through a private psychiatric assessment.

Over the years, I had tried everything to manage my brain / associated anxiety including CBT, mindfulness, meditation, exercise, diet, journaling, cold water therapy, breathwork etc. I felt I was ‘keeping a lid on it’ but in reality the thoughts in my head were never really changed.

I started 50mg of Sertraline in May 2024. It has changed my life. I empathise so much with your daughter’s distress over the thoughts always being in her head. I had no idea how exhausted I was until they stopped. I could have wept with relief at having a quieter mind. It was as if my thoughts had halved. I no longer have such distressing, intrusive thoughts. My compulsions are far more manageable. It has been such a drastic change that I feel I am a new person.

I don’t know how you feel about medication or whether this has been discussed. I know there is the additional aspect of her age to consider. However, the way I view it is this: if I was physically ill, I wouldn’t hesitate to take medicine to feel better. It has taken me time to accept it but I do now.

(Just to say, the first 4 weeks on Sertraline were very difficult with increased anxiety - this is normal. However things then improved almost overnight).

Wishing you all the best OP. Your daughter sounds wonderful and you are a lovely Mum.

Bless you, how incredibly difficult for a young mind to process. I'm so pleased you are in a better place and thank you for your kind words and information. I'm not against medication. She is now having nightmares which she has never suffered from and things similar to panic attacks where she feels she can't breath. She is off school today as the bully has reared her ugly head again and yesterday was a bad day at school. We are awaiting a call from the head.

Thank you. I would never normally post my own experience but I hope it can offer a tiny bit of help / reassurance to you or someone else reading. Good luck with everything.

It’s worth mentioning that I found NHS services to be really lacking when I was poorly. I eventually paid privately to see a psychiatrist and it was worth every penny. I left with a diagnosis, plan of treatment and medication that changed my life. The GPs have taken me far more seriously since then.