12 yr old depressed

[Carrie76]

My 12 yr old ds doesn’t want to live, it’s breaking my heart. I’ve managed to get him into a room with 2 different counsellors in the last 6 months but both were a disaster. He’s adamant he won’t talk to anyone about his turmoil. Not really sure what I’m looking for here, think I just need to say it.

Aw my lovely. So painful to deal with. Did you find the counsellors yourself rather than through the NHS. It can take a few to get the right person.

Hope you have some support for yourself and are part of supportive groups online where you can share experience and advice. At some point medication might be the next step if not tried already. From my own personal experience it was always easier going slowly ( half dose of tablets to help adjust to initial side effects). The doctor's rarely mention this.

Thank you for replying. We’re in Ireland so slightly different system. I found the counsellors myself. We are now linked in with cahms but he won’t go to those appointments. It’s so hard to watch him go through this. 3 of his friends messaged me late last night as they were worried he’d taken his life. He’s very sporty, has lots of friends and is classed as gifted, so no academic problems. It’s so hard to try and work out what’s causing his upset.

He really is a closed book, at times he seems okay and other times he asks me why I care about his life when he doesn’t.

Are his school aware?

Could any online activity have triggered this maybe ? It’s so hard to manage this and make sure their online life is ok and not impacting them negatively

I’d look for a trained psychologist or therapist rather than a councillor. They should be able to do zoom calls so he can sit and relax in his own bedroom.

I know some people rate councillors but I’ve had a few and the only ones I ever got any where with were phycologists and a therapist who was specifically trained in the area I needed help with. They should be able to give him direction and actionable things to work on.

If he won’t engage you need an urgent referral on to the CAHMS complex engagement team.

If you’re concerned he is a serious danger to himself and suicidal take him to A&E where he should be assessed by a psychiatrist and kept over night. . Refer them to NICE guidelines if fobbed off. A psychiatrist will be able to offer medication (fluoxetine) which can be a lifeline.

Help him engage in physical activities daily for the endorphins, even if you just go for a walk together. It’s positive he has good friends who are looking out for him.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat.