Toddler scared of everything compared to her peers

[Rosiefletch85]

My 3 year olds is scared of so many things. & Very dramatically. She has a fit with hair wash ( literally lasts half hour where she looks like the girl from exorcist ) fit with hair cut, terrified to poo in potty, terrified to swim/ jump in pool. She’s generally very fussy; hates eating and extremely prickly, calpol etc is a big no; cutting nails is a big no, nose drops are diastase etc overall she’s a good kid but these things are really frustrating. Any tips ?

To be fair to her, I think there are not many toddlers that enjoy any of those things.

Is she in nursery school yet, have they mentioned anything?

A lot of toddlers don't like these things but it depends on what you mean by a "fit" is it tantrummy with anger behind it or is more meltdown with an appearance of lack of control/terror?

How do you react these "fits"?

@Nogodsnomasters At nursery she is apparently very well behaved but then they don’t do these things with her . Hmmm so for nail cutting/ nose drops/ calpol she just cries and runs away etc but hair wash she loses it, like proper meltdown tantrum, crying, hits me, arches her back. And it lasts half hour min after the wash is finished. It feels like she’s absolutely shocked we did something to her that she says no to. I would say combo of your two descriptions, definitely anger but she also lost a bit of control in that eventually

It could be that she is sensitive to those types of sensory experiences - my dd hated having her nails cut, was very difficult to give medicine to, hated hand dryers and brushing her teeth. All got easier as she got older, she willingly brushes her teeth, but still tells me how it makes her tummy feel funny to do it (11 years old now). Do you explain why these things need to be done? It's a bit of a pain, but I found giving plenty of explanations for why as well as pre-warning that things would need to happen helped a lot.

Are there any other red flags of autism with her? Did she have delayed speech as a toddler, late to hit milestones like crawling/walking/pointing/clapping? Do you notice any stimming in her, flapping or clapping when excited or overwhelmed? Talking with the wrong accent, those sort of things.

@Nogodsnomasters Not at all .. otherwise would say all is regular. She is very good in communicating and understanding emotions etc I would say. But maybe OCD ?

@Greydogs123 it’s literally this! Hates hand dryer too ! We have some progress of nail cutting ( give her a toy scissor and she cuts teddys nails ) so that’s is good. She is fully potty trained ( no nappy at all) other than refusing to poo in it (!). So yea I think she is sensitive to stuff, physical sensitivity. Like hyper aware of things. Sounds very similar to your DD …

The only sign of Autism my DD had at that age was massive sensory issues with her hair, struggles with transitions and anxiety. Hit every milestone on time or early, early complex talker, lots of friends, understood and communicated well about emotions. Autism is girls can look very different from what most people think Autism is. It sounds like your DD has a lot of sensory issues, these are usually but not always because the person is Autistic.

@Nogodsnomasters i see. I will raise with teachers. Thank you !

@Nogodsnomasters if you don't mind, could you elaborate on what you mean by talking with the wrong accent please?

I’ve worked with this age group and these things all seem common for some kids. Especially hairwashing, jumping in swimming pool, handryers (a really big issue for lots from what I’ve heard/seen). I’ve known kids with very high fevers having to be taken to A&E out of sheer desperation by parents who can’t get calpol or antibiotics down them no matter what they try.

Definitely check with nursery and ask for their opinion and keep an eye on it all. If she’s still very reactive to things in 6 months or you have other concerns get her checked out. Especially the pooing in potty one as that will be a potential problem if she needs a nappy on to poo or holding on to a poo till she gets home etc. some kids are more cautious and less gung-ho about things but come round in time.

Honestly, all three of my kids would have showed some or all of these aversions at the age of 3 - they're extremely common among toddlers. All three grew out of them with time, and all are neurotypical with no major sensory issues as older kids.

Sounds like my son who turned out to have sensory difficulties due to ADD/ASD