School behaviour

[DesSeekAns]

First of all, I'd like some constructive answers. No parenting bashing. Simply solutions or advice on what to do next.

My son is 6 - in year one and been told by numerous people he is very intelligent, his grandmother included (his grandmother is a Cambridge/Oxford lecturer)

I'm really concerned about his behaviour in school.

He's been displaying inappropriate behaviour.
I've tried to get to the bottom of it, sit down and have a talk to him but I don't get any answers which can help me or school understand.

Jan was the first instance - he exposed his bottom.
March - Put Lego down the back of someone's trousers
This month - touching another's boys privates
This week - asking another boy to touch his.
I'm very very concerned and confused about why this situation is happening.

They've even sent a form to social services they've said this is due to it being a safeguarding issue. Of course I'm absolutely mortified and upset by this

I want to clarify this is never ever an issue at home.
We shower/bath, wash our bodies, dry and put clean clothes/PJ's on.
Absolutely nothing is ever discussed with regards to body parts - just the usual, hurry up and get PJ's on, we'll go and get a story to read and tome for bed! We have his baby boy who he adores but has never commented on anything when I've changed his nappy.

There are compulsory school sessions for PHSE, they talk about privates are private, consent to another person in your personal space. If anyone tries to touch you - kiss you, hug you and you don't want to then you have the right to refuse - which is absolutely right.

I'm always and open book about talking about anything and explain this to my boy - 'if you've got any questions about anything mum is here to talk to. If you want I can get you a book and we can read it together.'

Due to the amount of the instances I'm getting quite concerned.

I've explained in basic terms that school are very worried and of mum did this the. The police may be involved etc.

I'm wondering if this is normal behaviour he's displaying? If not any ideas on any support I can get him or any other ways I can help him myself.

If you nee any clarification on anything please comment to ask, don'take assumptions.

TIA

I think it could be in normal realm and I wonder what reactions he got to the earlier stuff? I also think a v bright child can be more likely to display these behaviours as intelligence and maturity are out of sync. I can also understand why it has been escalated by the school and hopefully that will be followed up on without incident.

I was told that it was normal behaviour but when I've asked the teacher whether any other children were displaying these behaviours - multiple times.. she sort of pulled a really concerned face and said No. I just want to help and understand why he thinks its acceptable. X

It can be within the realms of ‘normal’ at that age but to do it repeatedly is a little unusual. Have you tried telling him it’s an absolute no and being very serious about it? Does he follow other rules etc? Consequences?

Pantasaurus on NSPCC is good

Hard as it is, forget the others, try not to catastrophes and concentrate on supporting the child you have.

Yes school have looked at this a number of times in school and I've reiterated at home. X

Don't think you meant to quote me OP, perhaps the poster re consequences etc. He may be a child for whom consequences and sanctions actually ramp up the behaviour as he is getting a big reaction from it. I have seen this. I'd be talking to him but remaining calm and not at the end of your thether. In school it may also have been met with horror which may have left a clever little boy v curious as to how he was having such an impact..

Is he at that age when bums, farting etc are hilarious? Is he a bit silly, gets carried away and emotionally immature (even if he is clever)? I think it could be within the realms of age, especially showing his bum and sticking lego down someone's trousers.

The touching privates is more worrying - but again as adults we look trough an adult lens. He might just think it's funny because he's completely unaware of the sexual aspect and doesn't get what the big issue is.

Obviously though it's also a safeguarding issue and a possible sign of sexual abuse so has to be referred.

I think now is the time to come down hard on this. He hasn't got the message from the stories or the talking around it so now if you haven't already then I think you need to get cross and spell out exactly what is not ok and what will happen if he does it again - loss of privileges.

He's not autistic is he OP? Just wondering about him being very clever, emotionally immature, not getting the message that this isn't acceptable/appropriate. Could all add up to ASD (or not).

How have things been since OP?

So far, brilliant but there's been large gaps like this between his antics.

Am a safeguarding lead in a primary school. This level of incidents would lead to a discussion amongst our safeguarding team but wouldn't result in a social services referral unless we had other concerns. We deal with these sorts of incidents all the time with our younger children and for the most part they result in revisiting the NSPCC PANTS rule and speaking to parents. If you have a look at the Brooks traffic light system this may offer some reassurance. Try not to worry and just keep reinforcing the PANTS rule at home.

Does he have any sensory needs?

Not that I'm aware of.. I do think he has a mild form of ADHD.
I've recently been diagnosed with it myself.

It can be normal to want to investigate but then when it is explained not to do XYZ because of ABC that should do the trick, They are taught to keep privates private and to respect others' space. When children continue after being told not to and are asking others, it can become a problem.

It depends how he was approaching and asking other children, whether they were afraid or said no and he continued, if they felt they could not say no and how and where this is happening along with his understanding.

It happens, but this is not the norm for most of the children in the class. It is hopefully a blip, but the sooner it stops and he understands why it is not appropriate the better.