I know there’s something wrong with my daughter but I just don’t know what so don’t know where to turn. Sometimes I think she is autistic, sometimes I don’t know what to think other than she is clearly neuro divergent.
She is 7 and DD3, so I have two older children to compare her to. She was diagnosed in Y2 with selective mutism. She didn’t speak for the whole of pre school, Reception and Y1. At home she is very chatty and articulate but does also have many moments of not speaking so it made complete sense. We got a lot of help from school and she has improved to speak occasionally now in Y3.
From a young age, we realised she did not cope with being told off. Extreme meltdowns and panic attacks if she perceives it as her having done something wrong, and over very mild things like something that is obviously an accident and us trying to teach her it’s ok acknowledge with a sorry is ok.
She will often just scream my name or her older sister’s name (who is 9) over and over and over again if she thinks she’s done something wrong or if she thinks we’re upset with her. She is often “not there” when I try to reach her, calling her name, telling I’m here so I now just hold her until it passes, which takes up to an hour. She will be trembling and it takes a long time for her breathing to regulate. I would recognise it as a panic attack, having had them myself at times.
It makes discipline hard. We try to talk over the very mild thing that kicked it all off and for the longest time, I felt like I was just raising a brat who hated being told off. It’s very clear to me now that it is so much more than that, and I feel very bad for.
She is lovely and kind and doesn’t do any of the things I’ve read about autism in girls. So I feel like trying to get a diagnosis will be impossible. But at the same time, my eldest has just started secondary and having watched the demands on them, I know absolutely that DD3 will not cope at all. I don’t know if it’s a deep generalised anxiety and that’s what I should go to the GP about or if I should pay for a private autism assessment. I feel worried that she’s only got a few years before secondary and want to try to get this figured out before then so i know how to support her. Waiting lists are so long but I think we could save up for a private assessment. Or should I seek someone who is more generalised and covers different aspects of children’s mental health?
For reference, I have been diagnosed with ADHD and OCD after years and years (decades) of very poor mental health and ricocheting from crisis to the next before I was finally able to get a grip on my issues. Naturally I want to save my daughter from all that anguish (because it really sucked!). I know there’s something going on with her but I’m not sure what steps to take next.
Sorry this is so long!