Hi
my daughter (9) is developmentally delayed to around a 6 year old level. This has been diagnosed by her neonatal consultant (she was born at 24 weeks) he has said she will likely improve but will never be up to her actual age. Because of this I can’t talk to her in a way that she will understand as she still feels the world is made of magic and rainbows and she’s very naive.
Anyway, her dad and I have been broken up since she was one. They had a very strong relationship up until she was 6. Then he moved abroad and she visited him twice a year and would have weekly facetime contact.
Last year her dad had another baby and told me he was due to get married. My daughter was so happy that she had a sibling but she got no invite to the wedding and I was told it was because it was small and intimate.
Since this year started she has seen her dad zero times and has had a call ONCE. He stopped paying child support in March and it’s not enforceable in the country he lives in, I don’t care about that I care about my daughters mental health.
He has stopped replying to me all together and I’m blocked, I told him that he needed to be more consistent with communication and see her back in March and since then I’ve been blocked. I am sure but not certain that his new wife is the root of this (and I completely understand that even if she has told him to have no contact then he’s still 100% in the wrong too for listening) but that’s speculation.
So he will call my daughter every month and has done this year. He doesn’t text her or reply to her texts. He just calls. He doesn’t inform her before he calls, sometimes he calls when he knows she’s at school. Sometimes it goes missed as my daughters not glued to her phone. He doesn’t pick up if she calls back in response to a missed call. She’s managed to pick it up once this year and it was a 5 min convo that felt forced and he made his excuses quickly and promised to call back tomorrow but that didn’t happen.
Recently she’s been trying to call him and text him daily on and off for 3 months. He hasn’t responded. She tries to hide her emotions but when I mention it’s ok to be sad she breaks down saying she misses him and wants to see him and meet her sister. It is absolutely breaking me.
we’ve been having behavioural issues with her, she needs constant reassurance from me and she’s very controlling about what I do and where I go. I thought possible autism but I set up a meeting with a child psychologist who said that this is likely because she feels her dad abandoned her and she’s worried I’m going to do the same, this makes so much sense as to her behaviour.
i do not know what to do.
Its very easy to say “let her see him for what he is when she’s older” but that doesn’t stop the pain she’s in now. She idolises him and doesn’t realise he’s in the wrong because developmentally she’s not 9 years old.
I don’t know how I can explain to her in a way she can understand as to why he’s not contacting her. I keep telling her he is probably busy and I do make excuses for him because I don’t want her hurt, she idolises him.
I am not in a relationship although I’ve dated a few times I’ve never introduced a man to her. I’m content being single and intend to be long term but this situation makes me want to start looking for a relationship to give her a father figure.
im so lost, im crying writing this. I would honestly pay him to see her if he asked, im just desperate for her to feel validated.