Child chats to childline

[purpleme12]

My child chats to childline
Yes she does have problems with her emotions
Is this normal that she chats to childline?
I don't think it is. She still hasn't found a way to help herself

It's very normal for children to chat to them for this reason. I think there's a bit of a misconception out there that Childline are only for children who are experiencing abuse, which is not the case at all. Many use it to vent as I said, some use it when they're overwhelmed, some use it to talk through other mental health issues they're having. I can assure you that the person on the other end won't be judging you, they are mostly there to listen to the child and how they're feeling in the moment.

I feel for you, it must be such a tough situation to go through

Can you give an example of something she's reacted to or spoken to childlike about? Have you spoken to the gp and asked for a referral to camhs?

Once about friendship issues
Another time again it was about a normal thing a parent would say or do but obviously she didn't like it (I can't remember what exactly now,) she probably chatted to them about that which also turned into chatting about her having tummy ache which was her bad feelings turning going into her tummy. There was probably something else I can't remember.
Another time because she didn't want to go into a shop at that particular time (she's fine going into shops so it's not a general thing and she's also fine with that shop) but she got into a state
Another time to chat about her grandad who had died and on the sympathy cards people had not included her name
Another time cos she didn't want to go out for the day on that particular day (even though the next 5 days we were going to do what she wanted and we had a great time at the day out like we always do).
These are not all the examples of when she gets into states though.

Would a counsellor be right for this?

I mean there's no 'one issue' for her, that's wrong in her life. (If that makes sense) I mean, if you asked her.

But obviously it's just behaviour/feelings.

How does she call? Does she have her own phone?

Is she open with you about calling? Do you listen in?

When sud she start calling? Who supported her to have the number?

It's online chat.
It started because she got in a state one time and couldn't get out of it and kept shouting that she wanted to call childline. She had obviously heard about childline from school.
At first I didn't know what to do with this but then I thought perhaps I should facilitate this (because b she obviously needed help) so I rang them for her with her there. But she wouldn't talk so the person said the online chat is often good for children.
So she did that. Sometimes I'm there sometimes I'm not. Sometimes she doesn't mind me looking. Often she'll tell me what was said after.
A few months she first started

It seems a bit much to me, does she not have family or friends she can talk to?

It honestly isn't that she doesn't have anyone.

(Well when I say that I mean she's got me and her dad.)

After me having unhappy words with the headteacher about them not doing their job with her, they finally made sure she had a support teacher to check in with each week at school. Who knows whether they'll carry that on this year. They should do but I don't trust them anymore. But obviously that's at school

There's no one else that she'd speak about her worries and stuff too if you know what I mean.

It's not so much that though. It's that she gets in these states that she can't bring herself down from and it's like she looks for something external to bring her out of it. (To put it very simply here!)

@purpleme12 I think it's brilliant she is happy to talk to them. Much better than keeping her worries inside 🙂

I wouldnt worry about childline. Worries about friends and grief over her GF are very normal things to be upset about. Children often do focus their emotions on something specific So when shes upset about her name not being in the cards, thats likely the focus for her grief.

I know it sounds like these are normal things (and they are). It's not that. Perhaps that's given the wrong impression now

I would absolutely try and get her plugged into CAMHS for support.
But also, if mainstream secondary proves to be too difficult, CAMHS can refer her to a SEMH school. It's really important to know that the way to access SEMH schools is via CAMHS. Most of us don't even know these schools exist. My DD (14) attends one and it's been instrumental in helping her express her (very shutdown/closed off) emotions, thoughts, feelings while continuing her education. It's been nothing but positive for her.

In order to be referred by CAMHS to a SEMH secondary school, your DD would have to be enrolled at her local secondary where she remains enrolled while attending the SEMH school. The idea is that, after a period of time and when she feels ready, she can return to her mainstream secondary.

I hope I'm not jumping too far ahead. Perhaps I am. But it's good to file this information away. You may need it down the road.

But absolutely, from a therapy perspective first and foremost, get her on the CAMHS waiting list. And I can see where you're coming from. It sounds like she might have problems regulating her emotions when she's stressed/anxious/worried and could do with some help with that. Nothing wrong at all with this. She's so young still. Many of us need support in helping to regulate our thoughts, feelings/emotions. And pain lands differently for all of us. What's water off a duck's back for one person is more traumatic for another. I wish your DD peace and happiness.

Thank you.

That is really useful to know.

It's really hard to know what to do half the time. It's hard to get across to people what she's like. I'll have to take a deep breath and try go the CAMHS route I think. And I can get it across and they can do something

You describe it really well, OP. The fact that she gets sort of emotionally 'stuck' and seeks something external to pull her out of it is perfectly said. In this case, the external entity is a good one: Child Line. And good for your DD for knowing how to seek support. That's a really admirable and smart accomplishment at such a young age. And it also shows that she knows how to use her trust to reach out to the right people. I do get it! None of us want our kids calling Child Line. My DS did in primary school. And it's a bit like, really? You didn't think you could talk to me? But the worry is when that external entity becomes a negative one.
But what I have learned from my own DD's therapist is that there are things our kids need to say to adults of trust who aren't their parents. And it's not because they're hiding something but they almost want the freedom to talk without worrying their parents.
My DD was very much the same as your DD between ages 10-12. I think young people today are very much driven by social media and friendships to look for resolution to their problems externally. Young people are a bit disconnected from themselves because so much of their 'identity' is influenced by what they see and hear through SM and through friends on the playground. Even if your own DD doesn't use social media, her friends will and that influence has far reaching tentacles.
I hope you don't think I'm passing any sort of judgement. Not at all. But this has been my own experience with my DD which I thought I'd share since I can see the similarities.

Thank you yes it's like she gets stuck exactly.

Thank you that really helps.

She doesn't have social media yet but she's definitely self conscious about what her friends and other children think of her sometimes.

Between the ages of 11 to 14 I rang Childline a couple of times a month. I grew up in a very dysfunctional environment and had nobody to talk to. They were very kind to me and provided a lot of support.

I know they're very nice to her and help her.

If she is struggling with emotional regulation than a psychologist who specialises in working with children and does things like CBT should be able to help her learn techniques for emotional regulation. How she feels is how she feels, it is valid. At 10 she probably still needs coregulation to some degree.

Co-regulation is the interactive process by which caring adults (1) provide warm supportive relationships, (2) promote self-regulation through coaching, modeling, and feedback, and (3) structure supportive environments (Co-Regulation From Birth Through Young Adulthood: A Practice Brief; Murray et al., 2019). A good psychologist can help her directly and also give you & her other parent techniques to support her, give you advice on how to respond and talk to her in the moment and how to help her feel calm and heard. It is a good sign she's reaching out for support not a bad one, even adults need support at times. She's being proactive here, but she's only 10, you need to find her the support she needs to develop better emotional regulation. If you can afford it I'd find a good child psychologist privately. Even if just for an appointment or two to get some advice on how to support her.

I can't afford that