Concerned for daughter's friend

[confusedmumofdaughter]

Now I'm not sure if this is the right place for this but I'm at a loss.

okay so I’m worried. I worried that I might be over stepping but I’m more worried that B is getting neglected. She keeps asking me to move in, she keeps telling my daughter that her mum doesn’t care. Should I take a step back? I should note that I do know the mother and she is not someone you can talk to. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m going the right thing or what the right thing is.
The week before last was the first week of the six weeks holidays. My daughter(A) friend(B) came for a sleep over, great no problems. B sleeps over a second again no problems. The next day they ask to sleep at B’s house, her mum says yes but they are having a young adult male babysitting (babysitting her younger sister already) I don’t feel comfortable with so I say no but you can sleep here again if you want. Again no issues. We’ve been out to the beach, cinema, farm etc it’s been a really nice week but it’s Friday now and B hasn’t gone home yet. The mum has been at the pub every night all week. It’s Friday night and B is visibly upset. I ask her what is wrong, she says she misses her mum. I tell her I can drop her off home it’s okay but B tells me she doesn’t want to go home. I text Bs mum who texts back saying she isn’t at home but the babysitter is. I tell B that her mum isn’t home and I’m more than happy for her to stay or take her home, she decides to stay. It’s Saturday now, B hasn’t been home for six days and I’m now dropping my daughter off to stay at her dad’s for the week. I tell B to text her mum to tell her I will be dropping her off at 12. Mum texts back saying she’s not at home but the babysitter is. I have to take her home. It’s my first free night in a week so I go to the pub, Bs mum is there. I leave, It’s 11pm and Bs mum is still there. I should also add that our daughter are starting the same secondary school and they had their transition day together. Bs came back to my house after the transition day. It’s was parents evening the same day and I asked B what time her mums slot was for parents evening, her response was “my mum won’t be going, she doesn’t go to school stuff”, I text her mum and she was right she wasn’t going. B came to the parents evening with me and my daughter and i went with B to speak with her teachers.

Nothing helpful to add but this is so sad. That poor child. I doubt it would amount to anything even if you did report it. She is providing care (by proxy). Does the child see her dad?

I'd email her future school now and raise with the safeguarding team. I'd also get in touch with SS.

I'm glad the girl has you. How sad.

So. What is your safeguarfmding concern exactly?

I think it might be all of the things listed in the OP. It doesn’t need a name.

How old are the girls? That is so sad. I can’t bear to think of my children in these circumstances. Heartbreaking. Does the mother have anymore children, or just B?

I don't know no if it's a safeguarding concern it's more for her mental health. She's here again tonight and has asked to stay tomorrow. Her stepdad dropped her off her and she said to me she is glad she didn't have to go home.

I understand that kids do stretch the truth but I feel like her mums action Marty up with what she's said.

So I just want to know if it is best that I let her be here as much as she wants to be and how I can help her.

One on my biggest concerns are her eating. She literally has one bite of any meal I make. I ask her what she's want and she only has one bite.

Sorry I thought said, they are both 11

I would inform the school.

And yes she has a 4yr old too.

The mum has previously had interventions from primary school as she wasn't sending her in so I feel like they are already on somebody's radar but yes I think I will have to contact the new school

My sons had a couple of friends like this over the years. It's very hard 😔 I used to have them sleep over, feed them, take them on camping holidays and give them trainers, jackets, bags etc when needed. I had to tell my boys not to ask if they could stay at these friends house because the answer would always be no but that I was happy for their friends to stay at ours. I still see these grown up young men in our town and they are always so happy to see me and will come over and chat. The problem is, I doubt social services would do anything about this kind of low level neglect because they probably have a ton of more pressing cases to deal with. So I would say do what you can and provide a bit of a safe haven.

You're only seeing a teeny part of the picture. My friend lost custody of her child because behaviour like this was indication that she'd stopped her medication, was at risk of becoming unwell and harming herself in front of the child etc. So you reporting this could well be helpful.

Don't contact the new school

She's not on their roll until she actually starts there.

Contact the primary she's just left with your concerns.
They also know the history

But they probably won't do very much other than record it.
You'll need to contact your local MASH yourself. If there's been previous interventions, they'll have a record of it

Friend prefers staying at Friends house and being taken on excursions every day to being at home with childminder ans 4 year old sibling ?
As for 'mental health ', well good luck with getting ant help with that!

I would contact your local social services. This could be another piece of the jigsaw that makes them do something to help those children. My DD's best friend had/has an awful home life, she was similar to this girl, always staying over or coming for tea (the children were not fed properly at home, she was usually in charge of preparing meals for her and her siblings and she was losing weight. She now lives with us full time, even though my DD, her best friend, is at uni. She is over 18 now so mum had no choice in the matter. She is family and I couldn't watch her struggle. I have spoken to social care several times as younger kids are still there. They are involved with the family now.

So sad OP. Who is the younger male childminder? Does B get on with her stepdad or is he similar to her mum? How long has he been in her life? Where is her dad?
As others said, I'd keep doing what you're doing to provide that safe haven - you're making such a difference to her life to be a reliable stable adult for her. Do you have a partner who can provide a similar stable male influence in her life? Sounds like she has no reliable men to look after her so it's all fallen to her mum who is neglectful at best.
Poor thing she must be so relieved to have you caring for her

Who's the male watching the kids so much and why is he so available to do so ..