Signs of neurodivergence or normal for 5yo?

[DaisyChain234]

My 5yo DS has been displaying some behaviours recently that have got me wondering if he is neurodivergent. He is my first child ( i have two others but younger) so im aware it could just be normal his age. Here are some things that make me think maybe?

1. Noise sensitivity - hates hand-dryers, any form of theatre / shows / cinema, loud noises from vehicles, alarms etc.
2. touch sensitivity- hates trousers, certain textures of clothing, socks have to be just right angle, wont wear goggles / swim hat, very in tune to if things arent fitting just right
3. Rocking - he rocks back forth sometimes watching tv, but i notice he also does this if he needs a wee. but he also seems to hold his wee for ages and ages and still needs parental prompts to go toilet, he is nowhere near dry at night.
4. Running back and forth - he runs the length of room repeatedly
5. needs excessive parental touch / feedback - he strokes my arm constantly, or has to be touching in someway
6. sleep issues - suspected sleep apnea but also he is terrified of dark and has an intense fear of being alone at night
7. anxiety - he is an anxious child in comparison to his siblings but that could just be his nature.
8. he enjoys crashing on sofas, beds etc and will do so for hours when he is in hyper mode.
9. needs things to be repeated in full sentences, watches same film's , reads same books over and over
10. just finished reception year and is hitting expectations but struggles with attention in groups ( he is summer born)
11. he does appear to stim a bit, twisting hands, tapping feet, walks on tiptoes.

he has always been a sensitive child, and as a baby he was a high needs baby for sure. But now hes at school and socialising with other kids his age i am noticing some differences.

recently the meltdowns we have been having have ramped up. Especially at noises, we had a holiday recently where there was a clubhouse, a dark room, flashing lights, kid's entertainment etc which absolutely terrified him and he lost it, screaming for over 10 mins outside. We tried ear defenders but didnt help at all. We have had a couple of behaviour meltdowns where he is just spinning around, not listening, clinging and hanging of me and it hurt - so i had to restrain him off me. It felt very much like a hyper episode, and theres been a few of these recently where I just cannot get through to him at all - likes his brain just switched off!

some of this im sure is just typical 5 year olds but as we approach year 1 in September, im aware school gets a bit more challenging so im a bit worried about he will cope.

Hi, so I am mum to ds14 asd diagnosed dd11 NT and ds6 NT

It does sound like your ds has some traits and although some things are like ds6 (running up and down, not liking loud noise) I do think there is maybe more going on. It could be just him, but it wouldn't hurt to ask questions at the gp, and ask if school feel the same way.

How do you feel about it?

My ds14 is a great kid, it's not been all sunny but he is smart, funny and his obsessions are bonkers! Wouldn't change him!

Ultimately i love him exactly the way he is, but i also feel a bit sad that he is missing some experiences such as theatres, kids shows etc. hopefully we can work on exposure ( his teachers said just keep trying ) but whilst we have been trying to expose to more noisy stimulating environments, its causing him such upset and feels a little traumatic to keep doing it to him.

Then embrace the quiet! My ds loves space, watching the stars, researching space!

I get that he will have to be exposed to some loud noises and its better if he can cope but think of different ways to enrich his learning and his experiences

Hi, My Ds would have been quite similar at 5.
I always kind of fought the notion of assessing him because I just understood him so well and the reasoning behind why he did certain things.
He is 9 now and is going through the assessment process. What triggered it was him becoming overwhelmed with anxiety at the beginning of the last school year. I would advise anyone who gets any offer of any kind of assessment to take it. Just to make their life easier in school.

We are lucky that his teachers understand him and follow what he needs, but I can imagine if he was in another school he may be forced to conform to the expected standard and it would be overwhelming and a bad experience. This is why I went down the assessment route, just incase he needs some help in secondary.

I probably worried a bit like you, about him missing out on stuff, but when you think about it, maybe that's your own fear of him not conforming and how it reflects on you? I think I had a bit of that in my head for a long time. Stressing about this makes it all worse for you both. Embracing it can make it flow easier. Don't do things he doesn't want to, within reason, like there is no need to try the cinema again until he leads it in a year or two. I don't think exposure helps, I think they have to come to their own conclusions when they are ready.

I brought my ds to a playtherapist when he was super anxious. I remember her explaining that he just needs the scaffolding on for a little longer before he feels he can do things alone.

I honestly couldn't be prouder of him now. He has blossomed into himself. His interests are self directed and he has a different take on the world.
It is like there is an explosion of neurodivergence in recent years, because people are waking up to the fact that one size doesn't fit all, and it is crazy that we expected it to for so long.

From all the reading and chatting I've done about my son in the last few years, I've got to understand myself so much better too.

Thank you, thats great to read and your right, i need to alter my perspective a bit. I did find it a bit strange his teachers suggested the cinemas etc as its clearly an environment he wouldnt enjoy. Glad to hear your ds is doing well 😊

Desensitising does not equal support. Ear defenders and focusing on adapted versions (quieter shows) if it would be enjoyable are better options. Teachers saying keep trying is not coming from a place of being well informed (even if well intentioned). If there are traits an assessment would be very helpful to confirm or give alternative explanations and scaffold appropriate support.

Hard to tell tbh at this age and the fact he has younger siblings could mean he’s not moved on from stages himself as you’ve had other focusses (understandably) and he may sort of be a little stuck at some of them or they are traits that get him your attention… not in a bad way just in that behaviour makes sense and tends to be repeated when it gets a positive outcome… little obsessions are normal as are flapping etc at this age and he’s still socially very young and again some kids with younger siblings act older but many act younger as still seeing baby stages as normal etc.
Be guided by him and don’t push him- ear defenders are good… but equally watch out for signs you might be almost painting him into a certain type of child- encourage a bit more resilience and help him to trust himself and find his own answers too.