Please or to access all these features

Child mental health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Daughter rejected by her father

9 replies

ELAINESOUZA · 21/07/2024 20:53

My preview post was deleted by MN so I am reposting following the guidelines.

I was married in 2002 for 11 years but in 2013 we decided to follow different ways. We had a daughter together who is now 14 years old. Since 2013, my daughter has lived with me in Brazil and her father in London. Last year my daughter showed interest in living in the UK with her father so she could continue her studies there and pursue a university degree later on.

My daughter has been speaking to her father about her desire to move to the UK since December and her father was avoiding speaking about this to her. Then, one month before ending the deadlines to apply for the schools her father told her it would not be possible to have her in his house because he has another son who has autism and he needed to give him support and that my daughter's bedroom is his house and is now his wife ́s office. She was torn apart with this rejection.

Facing this hurtful situation with her father she then managed to find a solution. She looked up for state boarding schools nearby his house. She sent the application, passed on the interview with the head teacher who was impressed and offered her a full boarder vacancy . We were all very proud of her as she went so well in the interview. Then she went to tell her father and asked if she could only stay at his house 1 weekend a month and 1 week on the break terms when the students need to exeat the school and he said NO again.

This is a life opportunity for her future and she really doesn't want to miss it. Her father didn't ask where the school was, didn't look up the dates she would need to stay, didn 't ask if a taxi could be arranged to pick her up at school and drop her off. He just said it was not possible. He is not doing any effort to help her and is destroying her self esteem and mental health.

I am paying for all the school fees, the UK flights, uniforms, holidays so it won't affect him financially. He would continue paying only the same amount of money he already gave to her. The only thing she needed from him was a bed to sleep these couple of days when she was off school but he just don´t care.

He is clearly rejecting and neglecting her needs using poor excuses. Her father and his wife have caused enormous emotional distress in a manner that has significantly impacted Mariana´s life.

They want her to give up her dreams and ambitions just because they can not make an effort to have her for a couple of days a year at his house. This is unacceptable! My daughter has been crying everyday and started seeing a psychologist 2 months ago due to this situation with her father. I have all reports from her psychologist of the damage her father is causing on her mental health. Have all the conversation history and audio of my daughter crying while speaking to her father.

I would like to know what my rights are in these situations. Can I force him to pay the costs for a residential guardian company and a hosting family to look after her in the UK? Can I force him to have physical responsibility and accept her in his house? Can I make him pay for all the extra costs I am having with the psychologist? Can I sue him for causing emotional distress and for the trauma she will carry for the rest of her life for his rejection and missing this great educational opportunity?

Are you able to help me or could you direct me to someone who could assist me?

Many Thanks!

OP posts:
newname1234456 · 21/07/2024 20:56

3rd time I have seen you post this it will get deleted again

ELAINESOUZA · 21/07/2024 21:12

I won´t get deleted as I am now following the correct guidelines and stopped using capital letters. Can anyone help?

OP posts:
Caffeineneedednow · 21/07/2024 21:17

There is nothing you can you. You can't force a deadbeat dad to be a parent.

You can only claim for child maintence but I am not even sure CMS works if you are no longer resident in the UK.

Sorry sounds like a shit situation. Does she have any other famly to stay with for the weekly nights and could you fly to her or her home for the longer holidays?

LIZS · 21/07/2024 21:23

Is she even eligible for state boarding if she has no permanent uk address and is not otherwise overseas with parent as a crown servant or in forces? State Boarding schools are rarely mainly full boarding, so it can be lonely for those who are. No, it is not possible to force your ex to patent her.

ELAINESOUZA · 21/07/2024 21:26

Her father brothers and sister also live in UK but I am pretty sure none of them are willing to help.

So I would then have 2 options here: Tell my daughter to give up her dream and ambitions or search for a host family for her.

Fathers should be forced by law to have more responsabilites.

OP posts:
DameKatyDenisesClagnuts · 21/07/2024 21:28

Did you mean to include your daughter's name OP?

cestlavielife · 21/07/2024 21:31

No you cannot sue him.
Arrange a host family.

Marblessolveeverything · 21/07/2024 21:54

ELAINESOUZA · 21/07/2024 21:26

Her father brothers and sister also live in UK but I am pretty sure none of them are willing to help.

So I would then have 2 options here: Tell my daughter to give up her dream and ambitions or search for a host family for her.

Fathers should be forced by law to have more responsabilites.

This is the third time? Everyone has advised you that there is no legal means to mandate him to parent. Nor can you sue him for emotional distress etc. No law can mandate care and would very likely see a rise in abuse.

I still cannot understand how on earth you let your daughter go so far in a process without accommodation in place.

You have two choices host family or school elsewhere.

ELAINESOUZA · 22/07/2024 00:15

Hi Marblessolveeverything,

I reposted for the third time because the other 2 times my post was deleted before I could read the advices.

The point here is not an accommodation in place as i can have this sorted by tomorrow but her father rejection and the emotional damage this has caused on her.

Now, that I had a chance to read a few advices here I know what step should I take next.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page