Cat dramas

[MumP2612]

I am having a real issue with my eldest daughter. She is 9 and is finding things hard. She is emotionally mature for her age and is going through some things at school which were dealing with. She has had some one to one therapy sessions at her school to help deal with her anxiety and emotions which can get too much for her most days. She had been begging me for a kitten for a very long time. I'm not really a cat person, but I gave in, hoping that maybe getting her a cat could help in any kind of way. Even if it was for her just to have a little pet that would bring her joy. It has brought her joy, but it has also been the worst decision I've made, because she has become obsessed with not wanting the cat to go out. The cat is an indoor cat, but sometimes we let her out in the garden with us and twice she has jumped over the fence and we thought we'd lost her. My daughter now every day, all day is panicking looking for her, locking her into different rooms so she can't escape through the front or back door. Obsessing on whether the windows are closed. Just now she looked out the window and saw a cat on the garden fence, she ran downstairs screaming thinking it was our cat and it had escaped, but it wasn't. It's driving us all mad. It's made her anxiety 100 times worse and she sobs at the thought of losing her. What do I do?

You can buy window screens for cats from flatcats, we have them on the windows in our house and the back patio doors. A little pricey but keeps our indoor cat safe and the house ventilated

I don’t know how old your kitten is but I wouldn’t let it out yet. Our cat didn’t go out until 6 months even though he is an outdoor cat.

if she is an indoor cat then you need to properly commit to keeping her indoors by having proper set ups so she can’t escape from windows and open doors.

I realise the issue here is DD mental health but it’s possibly not helping if there are unclear boundaries about whether it’s an indoor cat?

Hi - don't let it out until it's at least 16 weeks and then buy a tracker for its collar. You'll know exactly where it is and hopefully that will both reassure and entertain your daughter.

Hi all. The cat is now 11 months old, sorry I should have said. She has been spayed etc. When it was warm and we were all sitting in the garden, we sometimes would let her out in the garden with us.

Hi, I think this could be a brilliant opportunity for you both. I have a rescue cat who I got as a kitten and he is very scared of unknown stuff. But he is a very quick learner for routine and known stuff. Is your kitten being locked in rooms without food, water or a toilet? I think if you can talk to your daughter about how stressed the kitten must be feeling with all the unknowns, how she can't get to all her stuff, not knowing what's going to happen when, your daughter can hopefully take some responsibility for making the kitten FEEL safe, not just be safe by being locked up (and that sort of stress will lead to behavioural stuff down the line). But I also second what others have said about deciding clearly whether indoor or outdoor cat (I would find indoor more stressful personally because I think they would always be trying to get out!) and maybe the window guards mentioned (although with ours if they are open less than a cats head they are too stiff for a cat to push further). Could your daughter be helped to engage more with the cats mental health? Have you tried a cat lead so she could go out with the cat without worrying? (They don't all take to them)

Sorry, I mean a calm slow talking/learning opportunity, not meaning to pile guilt or responsibility on her! X

I know some people have indoor cats but the cat's life will be enhanced by going outside, unless you live in an unsuitable area. Can you say to your daughter that it would make the cat happy and that locking it into rooms is making her really upset and stressed? Perhaps when she sees that it does come back she will be able to feel better about it?

You need to see very clear boundaries

The cat is not to be trapped in any room
The cat may go out side
Leave the cat alone when it's sleeping

Consequences for not doing this
Rewards for feeding, playing nicely, leaving it alone

Write them up and apply clear and consistent

It's cruel to subject the cat to being trapped.

Cat proof the garden?

Cat proof the back garden and get a cat flap.

I thought I had cat proofed our garden with a 2m high enclosure but they still found a way out (I'm sure it's possible to do it properly) I had to learn to trust they would come back and we are now very in each others rhythms, they know when they come in for supper and when they come in, door locked.