Self harm

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I've just found out my 14 year old daughter has been self harmed. She's used a pencil sharpener blade on her arm.

She's told me she used to do it a couple of years ago and did it again 2 days ago because she was really upset.

Can anyone offer any advice please? She's just started seeing a counsellor who I will let know.

Ask if she needs first aid.

Give her a cuddle.

Try not to let her see your feelings.

Have a look at the Calm Harm app together. Talk about other things she might like to do to deal with feelings. Is there anything you can do together?
Can you find out what upset her?

I echo everything the previous poster has suggested. I self harmed as a teenager and what I really needed was my mum to hug me and and hold me. I didn’t know how to express what I was feeling and was more afraid she was going to be angry with me when I told her. As hard as it is, try keep your emotions to the side just now. Cuddle her and let her open up to you about what’s upset her. She may say she doesn’t know but it might be that she doesn’t know how to explain what’s in her head.

On a practical level, instead of cutting herself would she be willing to use ice to hold or crunch? Or a hot water bottle?

Oh thank you all so much. I've struggled with my mental health but never like this.

Lots and lots of cuddles and I love you's. She just started seeing a therapist about her anxiety and panic and I wondered if that might have brought anything to the surface.

She says she doesn't know why she's done it just that she feels sad. She definitely has a lot of emotion and always has done. And I remember her telling me she wished she wasn't here when she was about 7 🙁

She was on the pill for acne but has just stopped that due to headaches so perhaps her hormones are out of whack.

Poor kid.

Lots and lots of cuddles and I love you's.

I truly wish my mother had the same reaction as you. I self harmed at the exact same age and I spent my teenage years severely depressed.

I think the most important thing is you being there for her as much as humanly possible - feeling lonely whilst going through something like this makes things a million times worse.

If it's any comfort to you, I am in my mid 20s now and I'm very happy in life; I know your daughter will overcome this too. Wishing you all the best

One of my daughters has done this on her arms and legs. She has a lot of scars as a result and I find warmer days very stressful as she will wear short sleeved tops etc. One thing I would say is she may get over this with help and not do it again- but relapses are common. My daughter was hugely better, mental health visibly much better- and then did it again quite badly. That was 6 months ago. She seems much better now- it's very hard not to take it personally but please don't, just be there for her and listen.

That's a massive comfort to me thank you. I'm sorry you struggled, I hope life feels kinder to you now x

Thank you for sharing. It's all very overwhelming I think at the moment but I hope therapy with help her.