I can't cope

[tweenmakinmecrazzzy]

Hi all, my tween dd 11 is going through hell and I have no idea how to help. She's currently on the waitlist to explore a asd assessment. Her behaviours were picked up by the school senco this year, who pushed a referral and I feel guilty everyday for not noticing anything sooner. She's struggling with friends, the academic side of schooling and just life in general. She sobs and sobs about anything and everything. I throw what I can at her moneywise, like trendiest clothes, newest devices, cool experiences to try and help her feel like she's doing "tween girl right" but she is so down and miserable. I spend as much free time as I can with her, and have nightly "girl chats". But she just tells me she dosent know why she's so upset/crying. She literally can't stop once something upsets her. I'm heartbroken for her and struggling to know what to do. School and gp both just say it could be the asd, no coping techniques seem to work. Her mental health is on the floor and so is mine tbh. I just don't know what to do, anyone been in a similar position? Was there light at the end of the tunnel

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through and can really empathise, my dd is older but sounds a bit similar. Can she get some counselling while you wait for the ASD assessment? I think things like anxiety can often be caused by coping with ASD. We have finally got a CAMHS appointment for anxiety after 18 months of trying to get a referral - in that time her anxiety/ocd has got so much worse, we are really struggling to cope and I can't see how therapy alone is going to help. I wish the GP had referred her sooner. Our school also offered counselling but my dd didn't want anyone at school to know she had problems, so that wasn't any help. I hope you can get some help. I keep telling my dd that things will be alright in the end and that we are getting some help, and she says being told that that does make her feel better, but we haven't reached the light at the end of the tunnel yet I am afraid :(

Stop buying her stuff and spend it on therapy.

I would say that it isn't the easiest thing to find private therapy for teenagers, certainly not where I live! But great if you can find and afford it.

Sometimes through lack of sleep and our own frustration we can over do the buying presents, I don't think it's helpful to have a pop when people come on here sometimes at their lowest seeking help and advise, any child with educational needs, mental health or disability takes a long time in UK, look in your area at children's activities, they have a lot of groups that you can just walk in. 11 is hormonal and emotional time, we then have such negative messages like social media. Bless her it must be so hard to be so powerless.