Hi, I am a father of a 16-year-old teenage daughter. She is officially supposed to be in year 11, but she has barely been attending school for the last 3 years. She is an only child, and she has had, in relative terms, a fairly comfortable life. Before the age of 12/13, she did not show any autistic symptoms that we, as parents, teachers, her cousins or anyone else, noticed. She always struggled with friends.
She is the quiet type of autistic child, but at home, she is not quiet. She is not violent, and she does not swear, so most adults, and even professionals, struggle to pinpoint her issues as he comes across as a very polite, well-mannered teenager. And this is part of the problem; her issues are very deceptive, and as she wants people to like her, she presents as someone very together.
During the lockdown time, she started having issues concentrating. From there on, it has been a 0 to 100mph in less than 3 years. She has been in hospital at least 5 times, on two occasions for 2 weeks at a time. She was officially diagnosed as autistic about 6 months ago - so very late, which I believe is more common with girls. However, they suspected she was autistic for at least 1-2 years now. She has been seeing CAMHS on an almost weekly basis for about a year or more. She has been in a mental health facility, initially as a day patient, since October 2023. For the last 2-weeks, she has been a residential patient there because she cut her wrist, and she is adamant about ending her life. In short, since engaging with mental health services, her issues have been escalating.
She is our only child. She was at the top of her class, very academic and had high ambitions - which was all her, not us. She has now completely given up on life. Before you ask, no major trauma has happened in our family or her life that we can think of. We have thought of every possibility, from boys to sexual abuse and anything in between. Unless she tells us something or we see some evidence of something, we are lost. I have installed cameras inside my home in the communal areas for safety reasons. It is just the 3 of us at home, mum, daughter and me.
We live in London, and we are considering moving somewhere rural - for her as she likes the countryside. We have even considered moving abroad, somewhere like Portugal. However, we know that living with her is draining. Plus, there are limited mental health facilities in rural areas. You have to consider everything in situations like this. We also have to hide everything when she is home, from handwashing liquid to floss, because she can use almost anything to do self-harm. For me, the mental health services have been shockingly bad. At the same time, I accept that it's not easy to solve these things.
However, I will have a decision to make in the next 6-12 months, which makes me feel like a terrible parent. If she is not stable enough and her attempts don't stop, it will drain me and my wife - further. If we are not well and stable, then we cannot be there for her. We are already severely depressed. It is highly unlikely the NHS will consider a residential home for her - that is the feeling I get because she has supportive parents. So, what are we to do next? Because she is being released home next week. We took her out to a restaurant last night, and she made it fairly clear that she wants to end her life whenever she gets an opportunity. I am going to relay this message, but I am sure it won't change the plans set by the mental health team.
I would welcome any advice from parents with any knowledge or experience with mental health issues. Thank you.