Blackmail

[confused594]

My H has been step parenting my children for 5 years (DC now 10 and 8) they don't have contact with their bio dad (his choice)
My 8yo DD behaviour can be extreme at times arguing back shouting screaming and my H seems to be at his end with it.
He spoke to DD last week and there was a big red flag for me, he was explaining about how her behaviour affects him and that me and mummy argue and he gets in trouble when he's too harsh but if her behaviour carries on "me and mummy won't be together and I can't be your dad anymore"
This morning DD was stressing about her outfit for school typical woman haha, and he was shouting at her rushing her and she screamed back at him saying she doesn't feel any love from him and that he doesn't love her to which he replied "shut up" and "get over yourself"

What the fudge do I do . I want out I'm worried for her mental wellbeing
What would you do?

I would t allow someone to speak to my child like this!!!!!

You have to protect them and you have to set this out. I’d try working with DH and if he didn’t change I’d leave him, whether this was his child or step father

If you do want to save the relationship then family therapy? But I'm not sure I would.

Well this sounds fun:) It isn’t easy, is it? Behavior is the language of a child. So what is her behavior telling you? What is the emotion behind the reaction?
And what is the reaction from H all about?
Does H want to work on it? Does H feel committed to the child and learning? Often times we don’t have the skills to develop the relationships we want to have.

there’s a quote that says don’t be ashamed of what you don’t know, be ashamed of what you’re not willing to learn. Maybe H is willing to learn. DD just needed somebody to be reassuring in that moment and not judgmental. But none of us are going to always respond the best way and every moment. That’s what apologies are for.

Teenage girls are full of hormones. That doesn’t mean they can get away with everything but it does require some compassion and patience. Hormones can affect us and we really don’t have control.

I don’t like that H threatened her by saying you might not be together. I get it as teenage goths can be EXASPERATING. That being said, Teenage girls have a lot of pressure and I have no doubt she’s doing the best she can. That’s a lot of pressure for age to put on her. Children are still learning and growing and adults are still learning and growing. None of us have the answer, but it’s trying to figure out how to work together to support each other.

I guess it just depends if H is committed to do that or not.