Please or to access all these features

Child mental health

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Child feeling lonely at school. WWYD?

3 replies

happymom92 · 21/10/2023 21:23

My DD is 5 years and a half and is in year 1. She is a kind, happy,helpful, cheerful and sensible girl. We have a very close relationship and she tells me everything, or so I want to think and I want to keep our relationship open for any talks as the years pass. She went through a period when she didn’t want to talk about school and what happens etc. so I tried not to push her. Recently we started having talks about school and friends again and she told me she wishes she was in year 6 and I asked her why? Her reply was “I want to go to another school and have some friends because here I feel lonely and no one is playing with me”. My heart ached when I heard that because myself as a child was quite an outsider and have been bullied and suffered because of that and I don’t want her to feel like that.
She likes to play with girls and has always been this way, didn’t prefer boys because their way of playing is too rough, she likes to draw a lot, do crafts, “quiet activities” (most of the time).
I asked her “what if you try and go and play with them?” and she said they’re telling her “no”. I even gave examples of girls that I knew she was getting along last year and she told me there are groups of 2-3 girls that are usually playing together and she’s not included.
I know it’s still early and she is just 5 and kids are doing silly games and she has plenty of time to make friends, but I don’t know how to help her not to care if people don’t include her. I tried to explain to her that everyone is different and sometimes they want to play without her and that is fine, she can find something else to do but she won’t let it go, keeps insisting she’s lonely. I don’t even know how to explain better to a 5 year old? I was thinking to read her some books if you have any suggestions?

Thank you!

OP posts:
Lewiscapaldiscat · 21/10/2023 21:36

Have you spoken to her teachers? Asked them to encourage inclusion?

hearing this from a child is always heartbreaking but it is only her interpretation of what is happening - so it’s good to find out from the school exactly what is happening and how they can support her to feel more included.

can you set up any play dates to help build friendships or does she attend any clubs outside school where she can make friends?

happymom92 · 21/10/2023 22:02

This has only been brought up recently and didn’t have the chance to bring it up with her teachers.
We did have the parents meeting before she told me this and they said she is a great girl, always helpful and friendly and trying to be involved in reading, learning. Trying to stay focused and not get distracted. So they didn’t notice anything but I guess didn’t look into it. Didn’t talk about inclusion because I didn’t knew that is a problem till now. I did ask my daughter if she told her teachers about this and her response was quite vague, something like they sent her to go and play( maybe thought she was being silly or saying this to get attention?? I dunno)

I do know it’s just her interpretation but it’s sad that she is seeing it that way being just 5. I am scared she will take it too personally when she’ll be in secondary and will cause her more suffering.

She does go to clubs & swimming after school Monday to Thursday so plenty of chance to make friends even with kids that are not from her class/school. Playdates not so much to be honest but I will try to organise more

OP posts:
Ostryga · 21/10/2023 23:21

Definitely make friends with the other mums (tricky I know!) and set up play dates. I hated the idea of it, but Dd was suffering because I wasn’t making the effort and not being invited anywhere. Once I put myself out there and talked to the other parents she has play dates a couple of times a week if not more now, and has a really wonderful little friend group.

Worth giving it a go and seeing how you get on.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page