Ocd - teen refusing support

[Nodancingshoes]

I'm at my wits end and don't really know which way to go with this.
Ds (17) has suffered from OCD and intrusive thoughts since approx age 11/12. Has never met the threshold for CAMHS although he was referred for an 8 week CBT course when he was 14. Unfortunately this was during covid and was over the phone- hence it did not work. We've paid for short courses of counselling several times with not much success. Things have escalated lately but he refuses to engage in any support - doctors appointments or counselling and I can't self refer without his consent. What can I do? He seems exhausted with trying to cope with this (as am i)

A colleague recommended breaking free of child ocd - lebowitz book as I believe it doesn’t require “work” done by the child, but by the parents - to very gently start making adjustments which in turn affect the teen. Worth a read? Do you have any idea of the underlying fears/ worries which the ocd behaviours are attempting to manage? It must be completely exhausting for you both - I hope you have support from family and friends?

Has he had in person CBT ?

Is he in college, working ? Does he socialise ?

I also have a 17 ds suffering with ocd (intrusive thoughts). He's onto his 3rd course of therapy and we have an appointment with a psychiatrist coming up - he's desperate for help but also extremely stubborn and bloody minded.

It's a nightmare. We're working hard as parents not to engage with his behaviours, as the other poster has said, but it's getting us all down, everyday is exhausting.

Can your son articulate why he won't engage with help?

After my DD had a failed course of CBT, which we paid for privately, we eventually got to see CAMHS and the therapist encouraged medication, something we were initially against. The therapist explained that at present the OCD was so strong (although diagnosed as 'moderate') that it meant she couldn't engage in the therapy in a meaningful way, but medication might bring the anxiety down enough to make engagement possible. So we did, and it made ALL the difference.

The CBT, although hard work and very stressful for all at times, was really helpful. Five years on, and the OCD is still very much there, but she now has solid strategies to manage it, and has recently come off all medication. She is is her final year at university and doing well.

I have so much sympathy for you and your son. OCD is a complete bastard.

That's so helpful to read, thank you.

Can I ask what medication she was on?

Sertraline - from what I remember it can have side effects that you need to watch for initially, but thankfully DD didn't have any.

Did she struggle to come off it? And have any side effects?

That's my main concern with even starting medication.

She cut down very slowly and as far as know didn't have any side effects - she did it under her own steam in her first year at Uni over a period of about 6 months. She was already on a lower dose. She did say that she started having vivid dreams again that she hadn't had since before being on the meds, but that was all.

Thank you so much - this is so useful.

I know everyone reacts differently to medication but am just wondering whether she felt 'numbed' on the medication? Or just more herself? Did it affect her studying?

Sorry, I seem to have hijacked the original post!

OP - is you son's school aware? Could you get in touch with the pastoral lead and see if they could chat to him? That may be a way in.

OP - do you think he would consider medication? It might be what the psychiatrist suggests. My DD, despite being very against engaging in therapy, did agree as I think she was feeling so desperate and the thought that it might help was enough for her to try.

Bumpsintheroad - she just felt calm, and her head was less full of impulsive and intrusive thoughts. I think it dampened the real highs and lows of emotion, but not in a way that made her feel numb. It made studying easier as she could concentrate better.

Thank you so much for all your replies. It helps not to feel so alone. He is at college and has a part time job. He does manage to control his behaviours at these places but this makes it worse at home (I guess through the effort of controlling it??)
He has lots of friends and does socialise although I've noticed he has been turning more things down lately.
His intrusive thoughts centre over one of us dying if he doesn't do things - he must hold his hands under the tap 10 times etc..
He has had face to face counselling but the CBT was over Zoom.
He just refuses to go to the doctors - I guess it's embarrassment but he's adamant he won't go. I feel he MUST go though as things are escalating.
We tried a homeopathic remedy which, as a placebo, seemed to help a little. I have also considered hypnotherapy- has anyone had any success with this?
I'm all over the place really - I don't know which way to turn.

I reached out to school many many times whilst he was there but the waiting list for the counseller was too long and, apart from a support group once a week, nothing was done 😢

I've messaged you.

Hi OP, I know this was a few months ago, we have a DS who has social anxiety and anxiety over a few other things and we are working through the Breaking Free book which as a PP has said doesn't require work on the part of the child.
The book asks you to practice supportive statements before making any changes to what you do for your child and we are at that stage and have found that part very helpful.
Last night my DS came down from bed and DH was away and usually this would provoke a lot of anxiety around going back upstairs (and because of the child he is, possibly some aggression as he's very much fight not flight). I used the supportive statements and then stayed quiet and he made it back upstairs on his own. This has worked for a few other things he's struggled with as well, I do recommend trying it but I'm also posting as I'd love to see if anyone else has tried it.