7 year old wont socialise

[BrumBoymum]

My DS has always had unique personality traits and I do my best to ensure he is always supported. However one thing that is becoming a big problem is his inability to socialise, he won't play with other children and at school his teachers struggle to get him to work in groups or sit next to other children. He is not naughty or rude and always has excellent manners, but I worry about his social development. He also really struggles to manage his emotions ( I know don't we all) but as soon as something goes wrong he will try to sabotage himself for example he walk away to get himself lost or stand in the road. I have tried to help him with self soothing methods, which are helpful sometimes. I can't take him to busy places, to parties or events. He has 2 brothers he struggles to play with his 15yo brother, but plays well with the baby. Is this normal? Any advice would be great as I feel like in failing him.

Have you read up on potential neurodiversity? He may be coping at school by masking his emotions, but finding social situations overwhelming and shutting down.

I have but I have no idea what could be the cause other than maybe aniexty I'm really lost

If you're lost then you could start by asking his teachers what they have seen at school and/or ask for a gp appointment to discuss whether his social development is "normal" for his age. ND often presents as anxiety, or it could be anxiety on its own. You won't know by guessing or asking random people online.

There are online tools such as MChat for identifying potential signs of autism and other ND. If these resonate with your DS behaviour then take the answers to your gp and ask for a referral for further assessment.

Thank you that Is helpful I will look on mchat, honestly I didn't know where to start or if this is normal etc but at least now I have a starting point