DD is experiencing intrusive thoughts / anxiety - what should I do?

[clothesintervention]

DD is 10 and a clever, very confident child. She has lots of friends and is doing well at school. So, on the surface, all is great.

However, she has confided in me that she sometimes gets "bad thoughts".

After having a chat, it sounds like intrusive thoughts and/or anxiety. She hasn't shared the detail of any of the thoughts, but she says they're about "bad stuff happening".

We talked about anxiety and how the brain sometimes shows stress in indirect ways if something is troubling you. She can't think of anything that's troubling her. I've also shown her some mindfulness techniques and we're now doing them at bedtime.

Home life has its stresses DP shouts (yes, I agree, he shouldn't). DD probably spends too much time on the computer, and she could probably do with more sleep (youngest child, we're not nearly as strict about bedtimes as we were as the first time round.)

Should I keep trying to improve things for DD at home and keep our conversations going, or should I seek help?

I have ADHD and had intrusive thoughts as a child, which I never got help from, so I have no idea on when this would be appropriate.

I am now 42 and have anxiety and intrusive thoughts. at 41 I finally sought help and take meds now.

I see no reason to not get help for your DD. There was literally no need to suffer as long as I did.

I would start off speaking to school. My youngest DC has a weekly or bi-weekly with a school “counsellor” and she is allowed to go to the calm room when she gets overwhelmed.

Her anxiety is not necessarily overt; a lot of her best friends would be surprised to know she has this extra support.

I say definitely keep doing what you are doing but ask school what other support might be available.

Things like art therapy, a journal, picture books to express feelings etc are what we do here as lots of talking, children’s yoga, mindfulness and using CALM app.

Best of luck.

ps - I also had a VERY shouty dad and I do honestly believe that perhaps that is where some of my issues originated from.

DD 9 is the same, I am having her assessed for ADHD. We do mindfulness and calming breathing and she shares her intrusive thoughts so I can reassure her. Physical exercise and proper sleep help.

It's hard. I was similar as a child.

I would seek help and justvrecognise you are very unlikely to reach the threshold for camhs. If you have a good relationship with school, talk to them as they hay have access to counselling (our primary prioritises this) or can refer to emotional health and wellbring practioners that are newish roles designed to work with children who are below the threshold for cahms.

Do remember this is very common and it's great she's talking to you.

Well done for having such a lovely chat with her that must have been hard for you both .

Can she be referred to YPAS through her school? I would keep having chats with her too , let her know she’s not alone . Sounds like you have such a lovely relationship 💜 .