I need help to support my daughter

[CJLKZ]

I’m struggling to navigate my daughters mental health issues! She’s 20 now and has had problems since about 8/9 she’s a very clever girl who’s studied psychology she now thinks she has borderline personality disorder, due to huge mood swings, anger, unreasonable behaviour, fears of abandonment etc. she’s only just recently agreed to get a formal diagnosis, we’re waiting on an appointment, in the meantime she can’t hold a job down, struggles with uni work and is behind, and basically ‘terrorises’ the household some days (I have two younger children) I do everything I can to try and help her but feel like I’m at the end of my tether, being considered an adult now, I can’t do much for her, any support groups or ideas welcomed?! Thanks in advance, I’m a new member xx

Hi there, I'm so sorry to hear you're having such struggles at the moment. I don't have a current issue like that but all I can liken this to is that my stepdaughter lived with us for a while. It is only looking back now that my own daughter is having mental health issues, that I see that my stepdaughter was depressed, anxious, moody, angry, had trouble with friendships, went from this job to that job ... She went on to anti-depressants shortly before her stint of living with us and I'm sure they helped and served a purpose whilst she was taking them. Has your daughter had any medical intervention or is she just using coping mechanisms? My stepdaughter eventually found the career of her dreams about 2yrs ago and she literally hasn't looked back. She is off the meds and she lives for her job. I know it's really easy for other people to sit here and type "What does she enjoy? Does she have hobbies? Can you do things together as a family?" all those kinds of questions, but really, if you can engage with her, help her to do the things which give her happiness and encourage her to talk and get professional help, it might ease the tension a bit? I wish I'd known the signs to look out for with my stepdaughter all those years ago, I think it would have been a happier house for all of us if I'd known some things to suggest at the time. Sorry this isn't a great answer but I really feel for you, life is a pile of poop sometimes and all we want to do is love our kids and see them fly and spread their wings. It's so unbelievably hard to see them struggle. I really wish you all the luck in the world and I hope things improve for her, for all of you xxx

Thank you for your response, your words are so very kind! Unfortunately she won’t even try medication so that’s a stumbling block for us, she basically has terrible tantrums about the silliest of things then recovers herself and moves on but we’re finding that hard to live with! She’s being assessed for borderline personality disorder on 20th June so maybe that will help?! She asked for an intermission at uni so she can start again as she says she enjoys it and has recently started to do dog walking with a friend but she’s had ‘meltdowns’ last three days over very trivial stuff like her tv not working! It’s hard to know what will happen next 😞

Hiya - I really hope that the results of her personality disorder tests give you some answers and also suggestions of how your daughter can cope going forward, without everything escalating into a tantrum or total over-reaction. Even talking to someone who isn't in her usual circle of fam/friends can help. My daughter has spoken to someone just this week about her ED who is totally outside of our home, the doctors and her close friends and I really think it did her so much good to talk to someone different about it. Maybe suggest to your daughter that she joins a focus group so she can talk to people who are more removed from the situation? How do you think that might be received if you suggested that?? I really do wish you all the luck in the world and I really hope that her appt next week is useful and something positive comes out of it xxx