Teen off school with anxiety. Anyone else?

[FreakyTuesday]

Hi. I wondered whether anyone else was in this position, and whether it might be good to have a dedicated thread for it.

We have DD(13) at home, because at the moment, her levels of anxiety are making school impossible. It's so hard to know how much to push the process of getting back to school, and how much to settle into a situation (easier in some ways, harder in others) in which we accept she's staying home for the foreseeable and set up some kind of education here. I work full time (albeit a lot from home), so it's hard.

Is anyone else in a comparable situation?

It is such an incredibly difficult situation and unfortunately more common than I imagined.

Ds2 initially stopped going in October year 9 - due to bullying and a traumatic experience. We worked with the school and looked at accommodations they could make. These included a reduced timetable, coming in late, leaving early (both from school and individual lessons), access to quiet areas for social times, use of ear phones when moving around school and entering classes, being 'left alone' by the teachers (unless he was doing something really wrong!)

Unfortunately he continued to struggle and at Easter year 9 he stopped going altogether.

We already had CAMHS onboard and we pushed for a referral to the hospital education service. He started in November year 10.

Unfortunately both DH and I work full time outside of the home so have to leave him alone to access the online learning. It is not ideal but we have little choice.

I have had to ask to reduce my hours so I can be at home on one day and we are lucky to have my DM to support.

@lorisparkle I'm really sorry to hear your DS has struggled too. I hope the hospital education service is going well. How's your DS in himself now? Has being at home helped with his general wellbeing? Does he manage to see other kids his age? Glad to hear you have support from your DM - that sounds fantastic.

I don't know anyone else in "real life" in this situation, but am aware it must be more common than I think it is. I expect it's the kind of thing where once you're in it, it becomes clear that you're not alone...?

Look up 'not fine in school' group on Facebook and you'll see you are far from alone. Story after story of young people struggling to cope, parents despair and little to no support from agencies or LA's. It seems to vary massively from school to school how much support is on offer.

There was an Adrian Chiles segment on the radio recently that covered this. You should be able to find it in the archives.

Also look up Dr Naomi Fisher.

Best of luck with your situation.

Thank you @AprilDrizzle - I will find that group.

I've also looked up Naomi Fisher - thank you.

Really appreciate the pointers.

It is incredibly tough. DS does not leave the house and has only spoken to one teenager outside of our family in over a year. He struggles with online learning but struggles to go into the centre for in person learning.

When I was taking him to school and picking him up from school at different times there was often another parent in a similar situation and a number of my colleagues had similar struggles with their teens

We have a charity that offers support in our area and I am going to go to a parent support group.

I am afraid you do have to push for support and do your own research but there is stuff out there. Hopefully school can point you in the right direction.

We are 3 years on and are coming out the other side (see the 'there is hope' thread). I don't have any great words of wisdom except that MH is more important than exams.

For us what helped was a mixture of meds (private) and therapy (private then provided by post adoption support which of course isn't available to most). Without the meds DD couldn't access the therapy. (DD was 16 when she started on the ADs which is different from 13 however).

I guess what to do is dependent on how bad she is and the issues that have triggered this. For DD it was important that I listened to her, and in return she has tried to do what she can when she can.

Try to keep some routine if you can, even if it is 'just' get up by lunch time and a short walk.

And look after yourself. I had (paid) counselling for 2 years to get me through.

If DC can’t attend school the LA should be providing alternative arrangements to ensure DC receive a suitable, full time education. This should begin once it becomes clear DC will miss 15 days, the days don’t need to have already been missed or consecutive.

To arrange this email the LA’s Director of Children’s Services requesting provision under s.19 of the Education Act 1996. If they refuse, delay or ignore you as they often do email again reminding them of their duty and threatening judicial review. Then if that fails contact SOSSEN for help with a pre-action letter.

If you haven’t already you should request an EHCNA too. An EHCP can provide support, including therapies, in excess of what DC would otherwise get and without the need to sit on the normal waiting lists.