DS (9) Just diagnosed with ADD/ADHD

[dandeloin]

Hi All,

as the title say, my 9 year old DS has just been diagnosed by CAMHS as having ADD/ADHD. (They have previously also diagnosed him with "extreme anxiety".) Its a bittersweet diagnosis, we've travelled a long road to get here. I just wanted to ask for your experience or advise for telling your DC's about diagnosis. Am i better off to not tell him, or does it make it easier for the child if they know about it? Any words of wisdom would be appreciated, thank you.

I didn’t tell my DS straight away (he was 9 when he had his EdPsych assessment, which gave the first indication of ADHD).
But a few weeks later, we happened to be watching a TV programme where an adult who had recently been diagnosed was talking about how life was for him with the condition, and DD turned to DS and said “but that is YOU!”. So that was a conversation opener!
We then talked about it lots, I got “All dogs have ADHD” for him, and he came around to the idea that this was something that explained how life is for him. However, I would say that he really doesn’t struggle with anxiety (generally) and actually thinks he is pretty awesome 🙈 so is perfectly happy to be “different”.

In the same way, when he went for the clinical assessment, he was also diagnosed with autism. Again I didn’t know how to approach that with him, but we read lots (incl the book “All cats are on the autism spectrum”) and he felt like it explained so much about how he sees the world.

He’s also enjoyed joining online activities with other kids “like him”, so he doesn’t feel alone in his diagnosis.

Didn’t answer the last bit of your question!
My personal opinion is that the children should know, because otherwise they can be beating themselves up for stuff that really isn’t within their control… but I know not everyone shares my perspective, and has reasons why it is better for the child not to know at this stage (eg if you think they would react very badly to being categorised as “other”)

@TeaandHobnobs Thank you so much for your very detailed reply. May I also ask if you child is taking medication for the ADHD, or do you try to sail by without medical intervention? We have been asked to think about medication for our son, in advance of our next appointment with the CAMHS psychiatrist. I am nervous of it, but if it ultimately helps him that I would be wholeheartedly in favour of it. If only I had a crystal ball🕵

My dd (also 9) was diagnosed with asd and adhd last year. On the advice of the Ed psych I have told her gradually eland with positives alongside the challenges so "you are really great at history because you are autistic and can remember dates really well or I know that waiting is hard because of your autism" there is also good book called autism detective about different autistic traits...we found this good as she isnt very classic in presentation being female

DD had a really early diagnosis (especially for a girl) and we didn't tell her until she was 9. She handled it well and says she'd rather have know earlier.

She did once try the 'I have ADHD so I can't...' thing and I said, 'nice try, we just have to work harder'. There might have been more of that earlier.

Since telling her we have been able to do more overt work on working with her ADHD rather than against so that's a positive. However, she is not anxious. And I don't know if that would make a difference.

My little girl is only 3.5 and is clearly autistic and has ADHD. She’s lucky that all of the females on my side have ADHD, plus, there’s lots of autistics on both sides. This means her differences aren’t differences as she knows lots of people like her and we talk openly about our feelings e.g I need to go and sit in this quiet cafe for 10 minutes as I’m getting overwhelmed due to the high sensory environment or I’m going to struggle to get on with that without a deadline so I’ve offered to speak about this work at x conference.

This approach seems to be working as she’s incredibly happy in her own skin and doesn’t mind doing her own thing even if it singles her out compared to her peers.

I’d be hesitant to try medication whilst she’s a child unless taking therapies hadn’t worked. I’ve found stimulants make me incredibly anxious and the first medication I tried left me suicidal. A non stimulant is working well but I wouldn’t want my daughter to have to face the possible adverse effects of medication until I know she’s capable and willing to talk deeply about how they make her feel.

We haven’t tried medication yet. I’m not against trying in the future, if he needs something else to help him - he’s about to head to secondary school. His primary have been brilliant at putting in place lots of support, so he hasn’t “needed” it yet… and I have some concerns around appetite suppression (he’s not a great eater anyway, and has some gastro issues) and feedback from friends that taking medication for ADHD can sometimes cause the ASD traits to come out more strongly.
But it is something we are putting in the back pocket for the future, to try at least.