Please could wise Mumsnetters give me some tips? My 6 year old step son has almost certainly got ADHD (he's been put in for an assessment). School have got behaviour management plans in place, but last week he had to come home twice for not coping or being out of control. He is really extreme all of a sudden. Today his energy level was utterly manic pretty much all day. He loses his rag with his siblings and with us all the time. He shouts, and hates hearing the word no. He constantly makes noises - it's an assault on the ears all day long. He can have total meltdowns if transitions are not carefully managed. Bedtime can be a battleground, although thankfully he sleeps well.
He is particularly unstable after he has visited his father's house, which happens every other weekend. We spend days having to calm him down. We suspect that, there, he is simply considered naughty and shouted at a lot. The father has zero interest in talking to his mother about it despite her efforts to engage him.
He is a very sweet little boy at heart - playful and creative and thoughtful. He can have very calm days.
I really struggle knowing how to cope with his behaviour. I have read Mate's Scattered Minds but it doesn't really help manage it in real time. He is a very fragile child who internalises all negative feedback and he carries some real shame about how he behaves (despite our best efforts to focus on behaviours and not him as a person).
What would be your biggest and best piece of advice as to helping him, while we wait for the assessment? Thank you very much in advance.