Things that helped depression (11 year old)

[CatchThatCat]

hi,
we’ve had a very upsetting time as DS really isn’t well and seems to have a deep depression; he never cries normally and usually so happy and he’s been very different for 2-3 weeks . Lost appetite, sleeping more, struggling to do all his usual things and struggling to go into school and missing days . Heavy sobs and more time on his own.
Hes sure it’s nothing specific but he has had a lot of change in the last year .

I’ve rung the GP as well as a private counsellor (who won’t speak to him unless he wants to so that hasn’t made a difference yet ) . We encourage him gently to get dressed and to spend time outdoors with us , and always careful he’s on a good diet.
does anyone know what can help, I am desperate to help him. He is a sensitive , kind boy and it is hard to see him so sad .

i wonder whether Seasonal Affective disorder could have played a part or changing hormones too?
ive put him on a good multivitamin and fish oils

2-3 weeks? Bit soon to say it’s depression. What has happened? What has changed? Year 6 or 7?

Must be really worrying for you.

Year 7. He’s had a change within the family and another change too he seemed to cope well with but the counsellor wondered if it’s led to an identity crisis. Yes we find it so hard.
And want to do every positive thing we can to help. I’m trying every angle I can think of and wonder if anyone else has managed to find good help in a similar situation . I’m also hoping sunny weather will help as it’s been such a long winter.

Is he involved in many sports or extra curricular activities? My Yr7 son seems to be struggling with depressive moods and anxiety but I notice a significant improvement when he's playing sport or outside on a dog walk etc. I don't know if it's the fresh air, the distraction or the physical exertion. Or maybe all 3.

Are you sure that there isn't an underlying illness such as glandular fever? Have you looked at the possibility of PANDAS?

Thanks you for these kind replies. He does sport every pm even though struggling to do everything normal at moment. I tell him to keep trying as it keeps a routine but there are days he just can’t .
i don’t know much about glandular fever and did ask the GP to run blood tests to check for anything underlying but they said no and just to get support in at school. It’s not an issue at school per se though, I am as sure as can be.
i hadn’t heard of Pandas but he doesn’t have any tics or anything , just very very low mood .

Are you sure nothing has happened at school? Would he tell you if he was being bullied?

He is consistently sure it’s nothing at school but also doesn’t want to go there any more . Pastoral care tends to be good and his friend hasn’t seen anything affect him at school but I guess it’s never impossible

He used to tell me everything but won’t now , no

What's been happening up until this point? Do you know his friends?

It sounds like something unusual has happened, has he been targeted by bullies, is he struggling with his sexuality perhaps. I know the thought of these things is upsetting, I've been through it with middle DS and at that age he was getting nasty comments from one (absolute tosser) of a peer. He was upset a lot. We did things like go out to absorbing things like movies, dinner. Sometimes he'd open up in the car on way there or back. I played X box with him and he'd open up a little. I invited friends over for pizza but limited it to 'invite 3 friends' so there were always 4 of them. He was able to build the positive relationships and avoid the others. 10 years later he's very happy and successful and we're still v close. Keep communicating.

My son hit a wall in transition to secondary school.
How is yours doing with the work? Is there any chance of SEN being missed. That was the case with my son. In primary school there were no apparent issues, but since moving to secondary school we've had several issues confirmed. My son is in year 8 now and still has very low mood and really chronic anxiety. We're working on getting everything addressed, and a new school etc. but in the meantime I can say that it is really hard to find any support. CAMHS waiting lists are so long, and when you do get to the top of them what on offer is really restricted (eg. 6 sessions of CBT). Privately the situation is not much better. There are so few therapists who will work with children it seems.
I hope this passes quickly for you, but in the meantime you might find this book useful: www.amazon.co.uk/Never-Let-Go-Through-Illness/dp/B08GKYYH4Q/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2PN53WMP019LL&keywords=never+let+go&qid=1679321977&sprefix=never+let+go%2Caps%2C146&sr=8-1

NurseCranesRolodex this is such a lovely and encouraging reply and thank you; those sound wonderful things to do and I have been keeping alongside DS and like your ideas . His best friend said he’s been fine at school but as soon as he’s home it breaks down. There’s been unkindness in the past and I don’t think there’s anything bothering him but he knows there are so many safe places to talk to and his teachers try too.
i saw a you tube video on depression where a GP completely cleared it by sorting a vitamin D deficiency , and other deficiencies can have a huge effect too I believe so I’m going to try every angle .

tooquietorshouty that is very helpful thank you and I’ve just ordered the book you mention which I will be grateful for. DS likely has dyspraxia . He is bright and quite relaxed about his work but usually ok