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Sleep anxiety in 10yo DS

2 replies

CautiousOptimist · 02/03/2023 22:20

I hope this is the right topic for this, would love any help from wise mumsnetters who've been through similar please.

My wonderful DS, recently turned 10, has suddenly become very anxious about getting to sleep.

Previously he had been a good sleeper since cracking it at around 3 years old - before that he did find it hard to drift off.

He read somewhere I think that he needs 9 hours of sleep, worked out that - because he naturally wakes around 6 - this meant he needed to be asleep before 9, and fixated on that.

He has started clock-watching, asking what time it is regularly from straight after dinner, having a bath and getting into his pyjamas very early in preparation, putting lots of effort into having some quiet time ready for sleep, obsessing over it all evening. Then, from 8 or 8:30 he'll be in bed ready, and will start worrying. Of course that doesn't help, and he gets more and more upset, crying with frustration and getting out of bed to come and tell us he can't sleep.

It goes on and on, with us putting him back to bed, comforting him, sitting with him, then leaving him and the cycle repeats.

He's just fallen asleep around 10, having been crying because it was so late and saying he hates his body, why won't it let him sleep, now he's going to be too tired to enjoy his day tomorrow etc.

What can I do to help him? I know 10pm isn't that late, he'll be fine tomorrow, and lots of other parents have it far worse. But can anyone who's been through similar tell me what might be causing this (age? hormones?) and how to talk to him about it? Maybe hearing the science behind anxiety in tweens might help him, are there any good books I might read? What should I say to him? I don't want to say the wrong thing and make him more stressed.

Thank you

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Luminiiii · 10/10/2023 22:06

Hi there

I noticed this post is old but I came on here looking for this exact thread! I’m sorry to hear your son went through it and wondered if you found any solutions?
My daughter the same age is EXACTLY the same. Obsessing about how much sleep she’s getting, focusing on the clock, getting worked up before sleep. Am at the end of my tether and have tried everything you read about; routines, breath work, audio book, terminology of ‘bed time’ being changed, checking on her, the list goes on. Any advice??

CautiousOptimist · 11/10/2023 15:42

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this too.
I think some of my son's anxiety was down to his 11+ exam looming (we're in Kent). It has improved quite a bit since he took it. Sometimes he still gets a bit worried if he's not asleep by 9pm. He'll say things like 'Does it matter if I don't get any sleep?' seeking reassurance.
What has helped quite a bit is telling him that if he just closes his eyes and rests, that will be just as effective as sleep at giving his body and brain the rest it needs. Obviously this is stretching the truth, but almost always the relaxation leads to sleep anyway!
He is usually asleep by 8:30 these days, up at 6 like clockwork, that seems to be his natural rhythm for now.
I am anticipating the anxiety will return - perhaps when he has other big tests or life changes looming - but for now he is doing OK. I hope you move through this phase soon too.

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