Self harm wounds / scars

[Pondweed]

DS has self harmed for a while but recently it has escalated to cutting his arms. We are in the system as it were to get him help. We're also safeguarding by locking away all blades and various other objects.

His cuts are very obvious and an adult or teen would probably recognise them for what they are. He has a younger sister who regularly has friends round and young cousins. Would you encourage him to cover the cuts up or not? He has ASD so finds social interactions difficult. I don't know what he would say, it could be inappropriate. He's not great at empathising with others and likes to say things that shock people.

What does he want? Does he want to hide them or is he happy for people to see and ask questions? I wouldn't force him to hide them as make him feel ashamed of them, will only add to his mental health issues.

How visible are they? Where on the arm? Would long sleeves be enough, if he's happy to wear them? Or a bulky watch ? Or tennis wrist bands?

My brother has self harm scars on his upper arms. They're from 20 years ago and have gone silvery almost like stretch marks. He generally covers them up but it's easier as a tshirt covers them.

I'm really sorry that your ds is going through this. I only found out after my brother stopped, it was completely related to bullying at school and once he left school it stopped with no intervention.

I think it's really up to him if he wants to cover them up but if they're on show I'd practise some answers he can give if he's asked questions.

No I wouldn’t because it then makes it seem as if it is some sort of shameful secret.
I have a DN who self harms, as in needing stitches in A&E sometimes, it’s awful. She does always wear long sleeves to hide them herself, she also has ASD. Is now a young adult and has been badly failed by CAMHS & psychiatric services. It’s shocking how little support there is for young people.
I hope your DS gets the support he needs, it must be so worrying for you.

My DD has scars on her wrists and thighs. Makes me so sad. On the brighter side she's out of that phase now. The wrist scars have nearly disappeared but the thigh scars are clearly visible. She can't really wear swimwear without them being obvious. She's now beginning to talk to me about bio oil to see if it can make the scars fade. Not sure but happy to help her try. Makes me so so sad that these young teens with beautiful bodies have been pushed to the point of harming themselves. I feel sorry for the younger siblings having to deal with such issues when they might never have come across this otherwise.

Following x

I can understand the concern, but I'd keep the focus on reducing his stress level. Adding another interpersonal ball for him to juggle and introducing shame could nudge him to self-harm more. It's good you can see where he's cutting, you wouldn't want him to cut where you couldn't easily monitor it.

If you Google DBT distress tolerance and alternatives to self-harm you'll find some good resources, DBT is aimed at people with EUPD but the emotional coping skulls aspect of it can be really helpful for people who self-harm

Blimey, skills not skulls

I self harmed from being 12 and my mom used to force me to cover them up. It just made the cycle of shame, guilt and self hatred all the worse and I would self harm again.
Let him choose. And people shouldn't ask, it's quite a forward question. Although I've learnt that kids don't really ask. They just see it as part of who I am and it doesn't phase them. Adults are the ones who stare, judge and then ask every question under the sun.
Hope he gets help soon x

Thanks all, I really don't want him to feel ashamed but also don't want him put in a difficult position. I will talk to him and see what he says.