How can I help 15 yr old DD

[Amumwhoneedshelp70]

I really need advice regarding my 15 year old DD.

She has suffered around 9 years with awful anxiety issues and perhaps a bit OCD.

I have been pursuing Primary & Secondary school for help and to date no further on.

It is suspected there may ASD traits. This was mentioned 3 yrs ago and unfortunately the member of staff who did all the work left and all notes were lost.

The process was started again in the Summer 2022 and again January 2023 but again no further on with progressing.

I know there is a lot of paperwork etc involved but my DD is suffering awfully.

Her school attendance is awful, no social life and is exhausted at home most of the time from keeping things together.

She has used self harm but not recently.

She was referred to CAHMS but not accepted. We seem to get pushed from pillar to post and I hurt for her so much.

Im off work just now due to very low iron, folic acid and vit d and I’m exhausted but I strive to keep going for my DD to try and get her a better life.

What else can I do? The Doctor won’t prescribe anything and my DD would be far to anxious to take medication.

I worry so much what her future holds as she has do little interest in anything and wants to stay in her room or bed.

I do everything like meals as there is no drive for her to do this.

Has anyone else experienced this situation or can point me where to go next.

TIA.

Poor girl, she sounds depressed. Do you get along with her on the whole? Does she spend a lot of time on the internet?

I wonder whether you could try small steps with her? Like would she be willing to get up and come to the living room for an hour or so to spend quality time with you, for instance. If so, then build on it until she is up for longer periods, then get her to help with meals perhaps.

Is there anything at all she would like to try doing, activity wise?

So sorry to hear about your daughter, you must be under so much stress.

Have you contacted your gp?

There's an organization called barnardo's - your gp can refer you there and as far as I know you can alse self refer.

Hopefully they should be of some help.

Thank you for replying.

We do try but it’s like there is just no interest and little emotion.

Its very rare for her to ever eat a meal in front of us either.

I hate to see her suffer. She struggles at school as she’s extremely sensitive and is constantly in contact with me.

School advises tough love but I just can’t do that.

School advised ‘tough love’ Tossers. Shows how much they understand.

My Dd faced a 2 year wait on the lid if at 16. I contacted my Mp. She was seen within 6 weeks of the Mp intervening.

Hope this helps.

And school don’t have to do the referral, your gp can.

Dies your gp surgery have a counsellor attached to it. Could she them?

I have had her quite a bit at out Doctors and she was referred to CAHMS twice but twice rejected.

Im desperate to find a way to ease things for her but we hit brick walls.

I fear what her adult future is as she has lost so much childhood.

Thank you for replying.

Our wait at the moment is around 3 years but I just feel we have been messed around so much it’s been time wasted.

GP here doesn’t do councillors unfortunately, she has been seeing someone in school but she feels it isn’t making a difference.

School suggested tough love and ignore contact during the day but I just can’t do that or even imagine doing that.

My description of DD is continually downward spirals that perk up slightly for a very small amount of time then straight back down.

Its just do difficult for her and I don’t know where to begin.

She had a Child Plan in 2020 that’s supposed to be updated yearly, this was last done in a meeting in Jan 2023, I’ve asked for updates from that meeting and so far no response.

Can you pay?

Also, l think all the stop starts are negligent. I think they will queue jumpe in certain situations.

Get of all reports from achool
Take to doctor with your own info ns insist on a referral. Stick to your guns and say girls fly below the radar
Contact your Mp explaining the full situation and so for urgent help.
Ask your gp about local counselling. I live in a big city, there are 2 organisations that send counsellors to go surgeries, so double xheck

i haven’t found any counselling much help for Dd. It helps her to get it off her chest, but lots of supppet from us seems to have the biggest effect.

I hope this helps. Get your Mp involved.

Read Naomi Fishers website / Facebook posts she talks a lot of sense about young people struggling in mainstream education. She’s an educational physiologist.
if you can fund a private Autism assessment £2k it gets you a piece of paper but doesn’t necessarily unlock help in my limited experience.
does anything interest your DD? Can you find something to hook into to spark some joy? Music, art, nature? Then build on that to help her find herself back. It’s a horrid place to be as a parent & young person.

This hit me, @Amumwhoneedshelp70 but I was older, about 18.
I couldn’t eat, sleep, concentrate. I was just, there… It lasted seriously for about a year and then semi-seriously for about three more.
How’s her appetite? Her weight? Her sleep?
I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I went from 118 to 88 and was a mess, mostly because nobody understood - I’m glad she has you.
Medication and therapy - and time - pulled me out of it. Today’s meds are sooo much better than what I had. If your daughter needs them, you must encourage her to take them and be consistent with them. They can make all the difference.
I still suffer from Major Depressive Disorder - I always will. But I live a happy and productive life and see a therapist and take a maintenance dose of an anti-depressant.
If I could pull out of that huge canyon, so can your girl. I wish you both well.

@Amumwhoneedshelp70 We went through this with DS (then 16) and sadly a year later with DD (then 13). For a start ignore school with the tough love nonsense - our school didn't get it either. Fortunately DS managed to do A levels through Covid so got away with not going to school (!). DD couldn't manage at all either being at home or at school. Initially DS broke down but we had no idea why - ASD was suggested by a friend 10 months later which unlocked the key to understanding a lot of things. Due to Covid we ended up going private for both of them. In both cases they were relieved to have accommodations made for them by school and uni so it has made a big difference. DD left school age 14 and had several months off to recover before being ready to go back. (The psychiatrist wrote a letter telling any education authority she had to recover before attempting education again). Fortunately we found a smaller much more caring school who support her (she went down an academic year). She wouldn't manage without the accommodations - although we didn't go down the EHCP route as we didn't need to with this school.

Unfortunately it doesn't get better overnight, I spent nearly three years in total caring for the two of mine, but they are now back in education in a better environment and loving it. My key bits of advice are that you have to keep fighting, be bloody minded about getting help, you are all she has to stand up for her. I was going through the menopause but didn't realise it at the time when all this happened so I know how tough it is when you feel rough yourself. GPs can't prescribe anything for children, we got a prescription for sertraline and circadin through the psychiatrist who signed off her diagnosis. Unfortunately we had to go private because there was little alternative if we wanted help Both DS and DD went through a depression / autistic burnout. They were both shutting down because they couldn't cope any longer. Both were traumatised by school - it won't go away unless it is addressed. Both had counselling. We sat and listened to them, made no demands at all, spent quality time with them when they could cope with it, built trust so they knew we would support them and both are incredibly grateful. It wasn't easy but they now both have lives they enjoy. I wish you every strength.