Help with emotion regulation problems

[Andthatstheend]

NC. 8yr old daughter started with problems regulating emotions in last few months, no major life changes that we can think of that might have contributed. Minor thing that she’s not happy about or doesn’t go her way (think dinner she doesn’t like) resulting in screaming, shouting, slamming, throwing and then biting herself. Doesn’t happen at school, and at all other times she’s such a kind, caring, thoughtful wonderful child. Asked GP for some advice as to how best I can support her, due to the biting, got referred to camhs who emailed a couple of links. She’s now started picking the skin on her head, which I know can be an anxious habit. Wondering does anyone have any advice of know of resources that might help me to help her. Thanks v much

We're in a similar situation. DD (nearly 9) has had some horrendous meltdowns over the last month or so with no obvious trigger. She's become almost OCD in some behaviours (constant hand washing, fretting about "germs" and getting upset about her duvet not being straight on her bed) and will scream and rage at people, sit on the floor refusing to move and sob as if her heart is breaking.

It's horrible to see and to deal with, I have handled a lot of it terribly by losing my temper and resorting to threats to take away things/privileges but it just makes it worse. She's showing none of these behaviours at school and is seen as a social, bright child. I am convinced that it is rooted in anxiety over something, but we've not been able so far to get to the bottom of it.

On the recommendation of a friend I bought the book The Explosive Child which has helped me see how my way of dealing with things is not helping and that I (and DH, I might add) need to totally change our mindset. I'm trying to implement the suggestions in the book and I felt like I was starting to get somewhere until this morning when we had a meltdown/rage that lasted almost an hour and came perilously close to making us late for school.

I emailed her class teacher to request a referral to the pastoral care team and to their credit they called me within 24 hours of sending the email and have set up a weekly "check in" chat with her to see if they can help at all. DD told me she had been out for a session (I didn't tell her I'd contacted the school but she is used to having the odd session with this teacher as last year she was referred by their teacher to the pastoral team, along with a few other girls, for self confidence issues).

Our next step is to talk to a family mental health helpline that is offered as part of DH's work health insurance via BUPA. Depending on what they say I'm considering contacting a couple of "play therapists" that I have found locally to see if talking to a third party might help her, and even if we can't "fix" the problem entirely to perhaps help us in finding better ways to manage the behaviours and to help ground her when she is in the midst of it.

Hi @CaveMum thanks for your input and some useful ideas. I’ve been loathe to involve the school because I wasn’t sure how useful it would be if it isn’t an issue there, but perhaps could be helpful to get a bit of extra support. Also hadn’t thought about a play therapist and honestly I’m not sure what it is! but very open to anything. Will get that book thank you. When we have camhs assessment that went nowhere they said this type of behaviour is typically rooted in anxiety so I would say you’re definitely right on that. I’m still not sure why though!