Family mental health

[Lucie390]

I have 2 girls, youngest is 14 and diagnosed with adhd. We are trying different meds and most recent ones seem to have made some improvement (prev meds made her sick) so we are now gradually Inc the dosage. Unfortunately although things have improved at school life at home is awful. I’m really concerned how this is effecting my older daughter 18 as she is finding her younger sister unbearable to be around. Younger one flies off the handle and generally causes upset most nights. She’s just horrible to be around. We tip toe round her moods most days.

Last night was particularly bad with me crying in front of both of them saying I don’t know what to do but things need to change.

I feel awful for crying but I’m at my whits end. My marriage is crumbling as my husband doesn’t agree with my parenting, he sees things v black and white and although he is v patient with them both, this has just been going on for such a long time he too is at the end of his tether. Home life is pretty awful. I also fear for his mental health in this. We are both just so worn down.

I am mainly worried about both my girls mental health, the crying and arguing in the house is going to effect both of them. I have tried everything. I to feel like I’m under so much stress trying to keep everyone happy, prevent further arguments.

Can anyone suggest what I can do ? I’ve been awake most the night feeling terrible for crying and sounding like I’ve lost control in front of my kids.

I couldn't see your post without replying. I don't think you should feel bad for crying at all. It shows that you are human. I think sometimes teenagers can be so focussed on their own issues (which are also very real) that they can forget the impact on other people. It is really ok to show that you are struggling too.

My daughter also has some issues which are really affecting home life. My husband finds it very hard - he just wants a rational solution "why can't she just do xyz" but it isn't as simple as that with mental health issues, so then they have a huge row and I have to pick up the pieces. Or I yell at my husband because it stops me from shouting at her, and then I feel awful. I'm really sorry that I don't have any answers for you. It is so intense. The only thing that keeps me sane is making sure I have some time for myself away from it all. I also try to have some time with my son away from it all, so that doesn't feel like I don't care about him, because he is so much less demanding. I also try to make some time with my husband each week when the kids are not around, when we do something normal together (go for a walk or whatever). I know it is hard to find time but it is good to have some time to remember who you are aside from the home issues. Sorry if none of that is any help. I do try to tell myself that I can't be 100% responsible for everyone's happiness, even though I know it feels like I should be. I hope you are ok x

Thank you for your reply, it’s really helpful to know others are going through something similar.

We both work from home so spend quite a bit of time together but as soon as kids are back it’s back to stress levels being high. I think the crux of this is daughters issues which we need to be on the same page about, or often are until there’s an explosion. It’s very hard isn’t it.

Thank you for taking time to reply. Xx