Help! My daughter has turned 5 and is struggling with me taking the dummie away as she uses it for sensory issues!!

[Mumof2gurls]

My daughter has turned 5 she is currently awaiting a diagnosis so is on the spectrum, she has used her dummy as a sensory comfort and I’ve talked to her about binning it which she did 2 days ago, she has had a reward for doing so but my goodness tonight she has screamed and cried for it for hours I am currently in tears my self she has been begging me and it’s broke my heart I feel like the worst mum! I am so hurt and upset I feel awful but I’m only trying to do what’s best for her! The worlds mum guilt don’t even come close!

She’s got her dummies back ive bought orthodontist approved ones and told her they are just for her (calm down breaks)which is what she calls a sensory break and for sleep time, she cried when I told her I would get her some …. To see my child that upset and so distraught over something that really isn’t a big issue isn’t worth it at all for the sake of what other people think! I won’t be letting myself do that again I posted on here randomly last night and all the feedback from every one was so helpful! ….. it really doesn’t matter if she needs to go to sleep or calm down with a dummie in her mouth especially when it’s a sensory need for her ….. can’t thank you all enough honestly! ….. xx

Good choice I think. I’ve found they’re naturally reducing to high stress situations, illness and sleep so I assume he won’t have them when he’s 17.

People would think it was cruel to remove an NT child’s teddy, I don’t think they get the importance of the dummy to a child with ASD.

No people don’t they just judge you and make assumptions and it’s really bloody annoying! X

@Hoowhoowho exactly!! I get asked on fb why he's got on in my story's and I ask why there child carry's a blanket everywhere?
They all have their own comforts and if using a dummy to drift off or calm down for a few mins helps... I'll just keep buying the dummy's 🫠😂

One of mine has huge sensory issues...you just do what you can to help them and if that means a dummy, then go for it.
As for what other people say; just don't tell them. Your DD's issues are her own and not to be shared. Those without kids on the spectrum will never get it.
One of my DCs has sensory issues around food, they can't have certain textures, food can't touch, nothing should be too crunchy/crispy/colourful and everything has to eaten with ketchup. No one has to know they live off beige food and ketchup as a teenager...it's their issue, not the other parents or family friends etc.

@24petlegs the food things always hard :( DS tried Rice Krispies today... and loved it! Which was extremely surprising as one it's a wet food and 2 it's 2 things mixed.
But another 'normal' food added is always a win 😅

I know a parent that gives her son 'calm down carrots' for the same reason. He takes them to school chopped up ready.

Yes food is a huge thing for my daughter too!! It’s so hard explaining myself to people so I’m just not doing it anymore what works for her works for me 😊😊 other people have no idea what kids go threw with sensory needs it’s must be so hard for them so who cares what anyone else thinks! Your all absolutely right! And as for the rice crispy so am like this I get so excited that she likes somthing new that I ruin it by making it over and over …. 😂

When you have an autistic kid you need to develop a thick skin and not care about the judgement of other parents. Clearly she is a sensory seeker and lots of kids suck and chew. I’m glad you’ve let her have the dummies back. She won’t have them forever.

@Jellycats4life your so right! Xx

I have a older child with asd who has a dummy. Ot, paediatrician and dentist all say keep the dummy.

My eldest still had a dummy at night well into infant school, and so did I. We're both autistic. I never took his away, he grew out of it naturally. My younger two who are NT never had dummies even though they were offered them. I never made the connection it might be an ASD thing. I'd let her have it, honest pick your battles.

My child is 8 and NT and still has their dummy at night time.
Have checked with dentist and there are no problems. Very good speech and doing well at school.
This is something that does them no harm and gives comfort, no shame whatsoever here.

Sucking is such a specific self soothing sensory activity that really can't be replaced by anything else.

My autistic son was a thumb sucker. We did the dutiful thing of weaning him off it at around 5 and my god, he nearly got expelled from mainstream school as his behaviour and regulation abilities fell off a cliff. He was only just managing school and thumb sucking was just about keeping him in check. He started again when medically signed off school and carried on for a good few years. We tried again when he was about 9/10 and in a SEN school and he managed a million times better as he didn't need it any more.

Yes - so did our eldest. He had it at night until he wanted to give it up for a fab new toy I had sitting in sight but out of reach in the lounge. When he was ready and had put all his dummies in the bin then he got the toy. It was up there for months but eventually he felt ready to give them up. He tried sucking his thumb afterwards but that never worked for him. I still suck my thumb (and never had a dental or speech issue) - I have complex trauma/PTSD and it still sooths me some nights at bedtime!

@Mumof2gurls your responses have lifted my heart. You’re so in tune with your daughter’s needs- and totally right that you can’t let people who know nothing of your situation get you down. I have had to learnt this over the years and once that perspective shifts, it’s life changing as a parent.

Please also try to challenge your guilty feelings- it’s not possible to get it all right first time or all of the time. You’re doing an AMAZING job.

@Axahooxa thankyou so much! What a kind hearted person you are! And such amazing advice too!! Xx

You are judging her by NT standards by taking it away. But she's not NT, so that doesn't make sense.

So, Yep I'd say let her have them. It's a sensory calming thing, just go with the flow.