Terrible guilt

[lollipoprainbow]

My autistic dd10 is so unhappy and says constantly she wants to die. She has no friends and loathes school. I feel so so guilty that I have brought her into this world and she hates her life. Anyone else feel this awful guilt?

Just me then

Not just you.

My child is younger, autistic and already exhibiting low mental health. I'm guilty and terrified for their future. They go to low places no 6 year old should know about. Every day we do what we can to build their self confidence and self image, but it's a battle to keep them level. Everything just seems to hit them, hard. Every stress, worry or insecurity. No words of advice, just solidarity in the guilt and fear.

Oh that’s so so tough op - please don’t feel guilty because whilst you did bring her into the world, she is only ten - she might not be able to express herself very accurately and also the way her life is now is not going to be the same forever! To the contrary - it will change greatly and in a few years time she will be in a different context of life; school, older, different circles. This sounds very very hard for you- do you have much support and are there things you could do together to enjoy the ‘now’ as much as you can? Maybe some fun activities or hobbies or clubs you could do the two of you, maybe some voluntary work aswell as I’ve found that’s a good way to meet people from all walks of life and maybe will expand your daughters perceptions too. One of my parents suffered greatly from depression but actually it’s allowed my family to be quite open about mental health and talking about how we feel about life at whatever particular point. So whilst this is stressful for you and your DD it also gives you a chance to get mental health and ‘happiness’ in life out there into conversations and activities. I’d say actually that’s good and especially good before her teen years as you’ve got time here to build a great relationship around this together. Be kind to yourself, you are not to blame for how she feels xxxxxx

Hi OP. I can’t offer any help but wanted you to know I’d read your post. I can’t imagine how awful your dd’s comments must make you feel. Do you have the support of a partner, family or services that are available? Take all and any help you can get.

I think it’s natural to feel terrible if your child tells you they hate their life. Very hard not to feel guilty about that. My DD is mid way through an ASD diagnosis so I understand the complexity that brings. Is she receiving support? Are you? What does she hate so much about her life?

Just thinking aswell maybe talk to her about what ‘happiness’ in life is- what does that look like to you and to her? It’s not the same for everyone. My DH always says that happiness comes from within - I think that’s actually a learnt skill and an important one. Some people are happy in a busy life and others prefer a more isolated existence- my DH is happy living in the moment but I’m much more about living on the horizon! there’s no ‘right way’ to live, maybe some big chats could help her reframe her perspective a bit and you could hold her hand through it all. You sound like a great mum to me. Xxx