Our twins (8yo) are seriously clashing with each other. A couple of months ago we moved house and they have been very unhappy about it to the point of being diagnosed with anxiety. They were part of the house move decision and we involved them in everything we could but the move turned messy and long winded. We are here now and they have unpacked their bedrooms with their things and have chosen their own rugs and curtains and duvets covers and seemed happy for about 48hrs but it then just spiralled out of control. They at the same school (longer drive though), but their MH has really suffered and they have both been in a bit of trouble at school which is out of character.
Bedtimes have become hell on earth . Despite best made plans to keep to routines they know, they have massive fights every evening, and at every opportunity, over the slightest thing (eg DS picked up DDs soft toy from the living room floor) and they won't go to bed because they are then raging for hours. It feels that they are scoring points against each other all the time and keeping tally on who gets what. If it's not equal there is hell to pay. The other issue is that DS will only go to bed with me, he's bored easily and he wants to be entertained at bedtime. I read stories, play games etc until he feels sleepy. It can be 10:30 by the time he'll get into bed (their bedtime is 8pm). He has no interest in reading or playing a game on his own and just wants to watch TV/YouTube videos which we don't allow so near bedtime or to play very active/physical games. In the meantime DH struggles with DD who is keeping tabs on her brother saying that he is getting a better deal. She was a lot better as she would listen to many stories on the Alexa (reluctant reader/writer) but she won't now and rejects DH by having a tantrum until I stay with her at which point DS will start a tantrum because I'm not with him. DH is at a loss and feels the kids don't want him around.
It's just like having toddler twins again but at least we could bundle them into a buggy and take them out screaming until they calmed down. At this age you can't do it and they are destroying our family life and relationships with each other.
Any suggestions? We think we need family therapy or something. Is there such a thing as sibling therapy for children? Any quick wins just to take the edge off the evenings from hell? We have tried talking to them (together and separately) when calm but they act with defiance and it's a vicious circle of a conversation. We try not to but we do loose our rag with them and shout quite a bit which we hate doing but it's grinding us down to pulp. Things a really fragile so please be kind, our own MH is seriously taking a beating here.