My daughter is depressed..need help

[Shell435]

My daughter is 18 and been suffering with anxiety and depression for 4 years now. Started with panic attacks,I had to take her out of school. Then when she started work so she had to stop that too.She has social anxiety too so has only 1 friend. Her boyfriend was her rock,they were together 3 years but 2 months ago he split up with her out the blue. Her life shattered, depression become 10 times worse,she cried every day all day for weeks,still does at times. She's on antidepressants but they don't seem to be helping. She just sits in her room withdrawn. I try and get her out but it's few n far between. She's withdrawn from me too. We've tried to get help over the 4 years only to be pushed from pillar to post. Feels like we're both living a nightmare.. she wants friends but can't meet new people so she's aware she won't make friends. My heart breaks for her.. she has a beautiful soul and doesn't deserve this suffering. I'm feeling the effects too now. I don't want to leave her alone in the house,the stress is intense. Please does anyone have any advice cos I'm at a loss...

Sorry to hear this. It's so tough. Has she tried a talking therapy - CBT through a counsellor?

She's actually just been put on a list to start cbt but there's a 4 month waiting list.. we waited to see camhs for 1 and half yrs only to be told there was nothing they could do cos she was turning 18 the next month. Its all so frustrating 😫

Exercise massively helps but most teens won't want to do it if not the sporty type.

Would she consider joining a gym? She wouldn't need to talk to anyone so perhaps she's less likely to get anxious there. Could just go for ten minutes a day and build up? Sounds incredibly tough for both of you.

Go to gp and ask for a medication review? She may do better on a different type of anti depressants? Also get bloods tested for thyroid, iron and vit b. A few vits/medication tweaks can be a good start. Good luck to you both.xx

Would she entertain the practice of self-compassion?

It really helped me.

I got the mindful self-compassion workbook and did the exercises. Would she do that? (Kirsten Neff phd and Christopher Germer phd)

When something really upsetting happens now I can access a quick reset better. ''This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. Other people have felt what I feel. I'm not alone. May I be kind to myself. May I see the good in myself''.

Help her find purpose in life. Maybe take her for a holiday so she can clear her mind?

You have my sympathy. It is terrifying. Can you find a good physiotherapist? A good one will make all the difference. And a gym is a very very good idea.

Psychotherapist.........not sure what happened there.

My Dd Is 18 too and also depressed with anxiety. She struggles socially and retreats to her room.

As CAMHS are being unhelpful get the go to refer her to adult mental health services. We found CAMHS varying in their helpfulness - it depended on who you got on the other end of the phone.

Sending hugs as I know it's really really hard.

Pay private therapist- Google- get her a gym membership and go with her be good for social aspect
hobbies/ cafe stops/ interests/ get her in touch with old school friends/ cousins

Would taking care of a puppy help her? She'd have to go out to walk it. And it would be something to care for but she'd be responsible for him/her?

I’m sorry she’s going through this. I was severely depressed and had PTSD at her age. I was traumatised. Honestly, she desperately needs therapy, eat properly, and find something to do that’ll distract her, maybe something creative. The gym and exercise won’t cure her. However, a walk everyday (calming) really helped me as well as finding creative things to do and therapy. Can you do a mum-daughter activity every week?

Also, we've had to pay privately for therapy. It's only been a few weeks but I hope it helps.

Sending hugs.

Its a minefield trying to access the right care.

Our daughter was diagnosed with depression during covid and trying to get to what she needed was hard! We ended up paying for a private physiologist assessment - best money we’ve ever spent. Helped accessing what she needed and that report helped when she got to uni. CBT and counselling - we had to pay private for the counselling and CBT was through the CAHMS. And we had a break up with a boyfriend and loss of friends!

She recently is struggling with anxiety and as she is now over 18 it’s so much harder! But we have a referral for further CBT -through adult mental health side , we can’t afford this time to pay for it but will do if it becomes worse. But she wants to get well - she has joined the gym and kept up with uni thankfully. I think because we’ve always tried to keep a routine Uni has just replaced sixth form - get up get dressed go in etc

Sorry she's going through this OP. I suffered from depression around the same age. What helped was seeing a psychiatrist for CBT. Exercise made a big difference too. But I suppose the biggest ones for me were travel - took 3 months off to go and travel round australia on my own and then leaving to go to uni. Change seemed to help. And having a goal. I found being at home depressing. But I think at that age its really overwhelming having to think about what you're going to do for the rest of your life, that set off alot of anxiety in me.

What medication is she on and how long has she been on it? My daughter is same age, we ended up paying privately for therapy as CAMHS list was so long but i realise not everyone can afford to do so.
My dd always feels lower in winter, i set up a gym membership for her she takes a bit of pushing to go but it does help.

Thankyou all for the replies❤️ I actually joined her up to the gym 2 weeks ago but I'm struggling to get her there.. she used to be really sporty and active but that's all gone to wayside. Will persevere with the gym.. she's only been on anti depressants citalopram for a month so hoping they will work soon,though she has tried fluoxetine and sertraline in the past with no luck. She's already had blood tests but I'm wondering if she needs a hormonal test... I'm short on money as I've had to cut my work hours to be home so paying for private treatment isn't an option unfortunately or a holiday.. we have a dog so I get her out everyday for a walk but that's about it really.im gonna push for her to be referred to adult mental health then hopefully she will see a psychiatrist.. I don't think she would entertain self compassion. I'm spiritual so have tried to encourage her with knowledge,mindfulness,meditation,grounding etc but she's not interested... thankyou all for your kind words and advice❤️