year 13 son can't get into school - severe anxiety

[lu9months]

he only gets in intermittently , and its a huge struggle each time. and he wants to go on trip abroad for 3 nights in half term - Ive paid but he is too anxious to go.
he has already dropped one A level, struggling with the others because he's not in school enough. academically he is really strong, but cant manage.
ive suggested he stop school and resit year 13 next sept but he doesn't want to - says it would be too hard to restart with young people he doesn't know
im paying for the school because its a lovely school and good with anxiety but even that isn't helping
im so sad for him and wonder how he can move on with his life.

he is under a psychologist and on meds but nothing really seems to help
he doesn't want to leave education , and anyway wouldn't be able to cope with a job at the moment

thoughts and positive vibes appreciated
lu

I have a 17 year old in a similar situation - suffers from anxiety and it's such an effort to get into school. Fortunately he is academic and studious so on the days he doesn't go in he will work at home. We have also met with the school and organised days/afternoons where he can officially work from home and he will email the teachers for work.

He is also booked in for a couple of trips away which I worry about - we all live
day by day.

Could you come to an arrangement with the school whereby he could access work from home/have a certain amount of time at home to take the pressure off? Is there a good Welfare lead at the school who could take him under their wing?

I feel your pain, it's so hard and hard to describe to other people. On a positive note, I'm sure they will get through this and out the other side.

I have a 16 year in a similar situation. All I can say is their mental health is far more important than attending school. I had to learn to let go of my expectations and know things will sort themselves out at some point in the future when he’s ready and we’ll enough.
It’s a difficult road to go down OP but he’s far better now (but nowhere well yet). If anything our relationship has deepened and that can only be a good thing with a teen with severe MH issues.

No advice I'm afraid but lots of sympathy as I am struggling with the same thing myself with Dd in yr 13. She is being treated for an eating disorder and awaiting the outcome of an autism diagnosis, but fundamentally it's the anxiety that is crippling her, stopping her eating and driving her to smoke weed. I'd happily see her take time out/resit next year but she is determined to plug on and wants to go to university next year (despite being unable to complete her UCAS form and doing very little work). Ultimately I'm concentrating on her health, and the rest is up to her - if it doesn't happen right now it's not the end of the world.

Also in a very similar boat with my 17 year old dd.

I have no advice but wanted to say you aren’t alone. Mine attends sixth form college and her attendance this year is terrible due to her anxiety and getting any meaningful help has been frustrating, her college won’t clear her for working at home, some days she can go to her form tutors class and work in there but she still gets marked absent because she isn’t in the subject classrooms.

Most days she’s going in but sitting outside in the cold getting on with work because she’s just too anxious to go in the building.

Her college won’t agree to letting her work from home, or maybe letting her to go class and leaving to go the common room while she gets on with work, won’t discuss dropping the subject that’s triggered a lot of her problems and said that needs to be a last resort.

It feels like we’re bounced from pillar to post trying to get any help for her with lots of waiting for calls.

I’m sorry others are going through the same.

thanks all. i sometimes feel almost a physical pain to watch him , seeing how sad and anxious he is. i keep looking back at pics of him carefree and happy and wish we could go back. thinking of you all.

I feel your pain. I cry whenever I look at photos.

Has he had any therapy? My son is receiving CBT sessions which do give him some useful tools (although it's going to be a long slow process).

Have you read the book parenting mental health? I really recommend it.

Have you thought about applying for an EHCNA?

yep. having cbt but no help

When l suffered with anxiety and panic in my early 20's, it made my world a lot smaller. After two or three really difficult years of reading literally anything ever written on this subject to no avail, l tried something different, l was sick to the back teeth of it all so l got angry and willed the symptoms to get as bad as they could. Usually there is a fear of fainting, being sick, urgently using the toilet etc, the fear is of losing control and as schools are now so large and have no privacy you can see why this has become the epidemic it has.
Forget distraction techniques, relaxation techniques, the breathing one can be useful, but try and physically force the symptoms of panic and anxiety to get worse and that can stop an anxiety/ panic attack in its tracks, because the thing you fear most doesn't t happen. It worked for me, you need to practice in quieter places, then be brave and try it in busier places.
Read the book "Dare" on Amazon, same techniques.
I feel very sorry for all the young people inflicted with this MH issue, there is very little in the way understanding, empathy or support.

How are the young people doing? My dd is no better and her attendance is still very low. I hope everyone else's young people are doing better.

Have you applied for an EHCNA?

I wrote earlier - name change. My 17 year old is still self harming - scratched his arm to pieces last weekend. So upsetting.

He's still having therapy and Is just about managing to get to school (although always late - misses form/assembly but the school seem to be turning a blind eye to this, which is good).

He has very few friends there now but is talking about arranging something for the weekend which is hopeful but I don't hold my breathe.

He's still studying and wants to do well in his A Levels - luckily he's academic.

We live day to day. I've never cried so much. We hope for a better future. I hope that your kids will get through this tough time too.

Hi, looking on here today for guidance with how to help 15 year old. We have a referral for long term counselling which should start in January but the situation has got worse in the last few weeks. Dc not eating, really anxious and refusing school.

Have you applied for an EHCNA? Are the LA providing alternative education? Have you spoken to the GP about a referral to CAMHS and the not eating?

Hi my dd held off a year in 6th form, there were quite a few a year older, if that helps.
these poor kids, what is going wrong, dd has just started sertraline for anxiety 😥 she keeps pushing herself, she’s upset and is trying so hard to not give in again.
it’s hard for parents to see our dc like this, we just want them happy x