Need urgent help for 16 yo DD

[Teentrauma]

We have been worried about DD for a couple of years now. She has become increasingly withdrawn with social anxiety (when she was once a happy socialable child) which we initially blamed on lockdown (she was yr 9 at the time) but looking back, the signs were there beforehand. She also has regular, angry outbursts and seems increasingly unhappy most of the time.

She has just started 6th Form but has hardly been able to attend - meltdowns most morning about what she's wearing, hates her teachers, hates the other kids, hates everything. These problems were recognised in yr 11 but are now so much worse and she's about to start seeing the school counsellor (if she actually gets to school!). It came to a head this morning with her in tears that she cannot cope anymore. She also has OCD tendencies, dyslexia and was assessed by CAHMs age 7 for ADHD (negative). Her brother has HF ASD, so suspect she's not neurotypical either!

She did brilliantly in her GCSES, which wasn't easy due to her dyslexia, but she worked obsessively. It's now all fallen apart at A Level and she feels unable to continue as behind already due to missing so many lessons.

I've informed school she won't be in and they just suggested www.kooth.com/, persevering with counselling and speaking to GP. Also spoke to Young Minds helpline this morning who are also sending me some links and, again suggesting GP & CAHMS. I know wait to CAHMS is long and they weren't much use with DS tbh. We need help now.

Has anyone who has been in a similar situation got any advice?

Thank you.

You just described me when I was a teen plus I had ADHD undiagnosed at the time these are some things that helped me

Choosing my outfit the night before

A tidy bedroom even though my mum basically tidied it for me

Lavender in pillow or room spray

Kalms herbal medication, this forehead rub and a calming tongue spray you can get all online or at a pharmacy - speak with doctor first obviously

A bracelet with beads on that I cuddles with when anxious

Taking 1 minute a day to just sit there and breathe

Lavender room spray and under my pillow

Clean pjs every night

Face masks

Moisturise every night

A great diet

Exercise. We would even just go for a walk in the evenings

Sat around the table for dinner and said three things we loved and three things we didn't like about the day and discuss it

Sing ! Always singing especially in the car on the way to school

A teary night like a take away or a meal out once a week or a night watching movies with popcorn and sweets

Yoga there's loads on you tube

Calming music to go to sleep too loads on you tube or apps. I use pink noise at night as an adult it's like white noise but there's brown noise and other one she could try

Get her to Write down all the reasons she is great and put it in her bag and tell her to look at it when stressed

When she is anxious get her to say out loud one thing she can smell one thing she can see and get her to touch something like her phone and say that out loud it's called grounding have a look at that

Should say fiddled with not cuddles in regards to the bracelet

Don't put pressure on her to get into school. It is possible to catch up at this stage or repeat the year if necessary. That's really not a big deal compared to attending to her mental health.
Although the problem is urgent, there's probably not a quick fix. Face up to the fact she needs proper time out.

My DS is the same age and in a similar position. He did very well in his GCSEs but mental health deteriorated slowly over the summer. OCD and generalized anxiety leading to self harm (scratching), panic attacks and school avoidance.

We have been to the GP twice, been rejected by CAMHS, downloaded various apps, spoken to a professional from Young Minds, accessed CBT therapy privately (through insurance) and have literally ticked every box. It's such hard work.

What did help was asking for a meeting and going to the school - very very supportive re absences, emailing work over when needed etc, had a meeting with my DS straight away - it's taken a huge worry off and feel are much more supported.

I wish you well and feel your pain x