Desperate! Please offer me some insight of ADHD in young boys?

[AroundTheTwistIn20Minutes]

DS2 is 9; he is bright, articulate and doing well at school. He already has a diagnosis of ASD but I have always suspected ADHD before ASD became obvious too.

Frankly, his school are useless at picking up on more subtle SEN. I have 3 children at the same school, all diagnosed with ASD and all were missed by school (in fact they denied they had ASD and that it was a home based issue).

DS is due back to school next week and is already becoming anxious because he is repeatedly told to sit still and he constantly talks when he shouldn’t be. He says he tries to sit still and sit quietly but he forgets.

I raised this with his school before the summer break. The first person I spoke to was the SenCo who said he had noticed that DS was a little disruptive in class with his need to fiddle with things and repeatedly talking but it was nothing to worry about.
I then spoke to his class teacher who said there were no issues at all. However, at parents night I’m told he is often silly and distracts others and this has been the case since he started school. (I’ve had conflicting information throughout all 3 DC time at the school).

At home, DS can be very difficult to manage when he is not focused on something. He is constantly moving, touching things he shouldn’t, jumping around, shouting out silly noises, twitching, leg tapping , he interrupts constantly.

Simple tasks such as getting dressed result in clothes being thrown about on to shelves , light shades etc , items being lost within seconds of being handed to him, he gets distracted easily so it takes an age just to put a t-shirt on. It’s frankly , driving us slowly insane!

He does weekly sports but sometimes the sessions are cancelled at short notice due to lack of team players and the difference in his behaviour when he has not been is very noticeable.

He has caused hundreds of pounds worth of damage to household items because he is impulsive and careless. He forgets every basic instruction unless it is something he is interested in.

I’d like to have him assessed for ADHD but his school have told me he is highly unlikely to get a diagnosis as they don’t believe he has it. They said they have to agree for it to be diagnosed as it must be present in school and it must affect his achievement in school (he has good grades) .

Is this true and should I bother?

Well school is right up to a point in that to be dx the same behaviour must be present in more than one setting, but if on the one hand they are telling you he is disruptive and fidgety then why are they saying he is OK? You don't need their permission for a dx but it is easier if they are on-side.

My one non-ADHD DS was disruptive and chatty at school but he was bored. The ADHD DS used to leave the classroom and go for a run around the field, when he wasn't breaking stuff or fidgeting, and my ADHD-DD spent most of "carpet-time" rolling on her back with her legs in the air 😃

@OberthursGrizzledSkipper It is very annoying that his school are giving different statements depending on whom I speak to. Although , they did the same with DS1 and DS3 so I’m loathe to be dismissed by them.

Does he do any sort of outside activity that could input for you? Before my DD was dx I used to find myself trying to explain to dance teachers and swim teachers that "actually, we think there might be something wrong with her" as they complained about her not listening/ not following instructions/ interrupting etc.

Otherwise if you have school reports that say he is doing this or that you could use them as evidence. You don't have to have school even get involved if they aren't helpful.

He does do outside activities but as it’s an active sport (football), he doesn’t really have to sit and listen at any point, it’s constant movement .

He has recently been to one of my hospital appointments and in the limited time we were in there (around 20 minutes), he was rolling around on the floor and trying to figure out all of the supplies. The nurse commented he seems to have a lot of energy . I know I’m not the only one to see it , but his school refuse to acknowledge it !

It’s really making it difficult to decide whether to proceed as his school will likely say everything is fine. It may help if I do a ‘foreword’ to the team and explain what the school have raised with me but also pointing out, they missed his ASD; not to discredit the school , but to make sure someone will take me seriously.

It doesn't need to be affecting him academically - how would they know if it was. He could be meeting the required standards but capable of exceeding them if medicated - how would they know?!
It does need to be present in more than 1 setting. If school don't see it is there another person outside school who does?
If you go private (not sure about NHS near you) you can ask to have a QB test which will provide another piece of evidence.
When we had my eldest assessed the schools questionnaires didn't score enough for diagnosis even though I was convinced he had it- he had a QB test and couldn't even stay seated for it. The MDT assessing him (he was being assessed for ASD too) could see a mile off he was classic ADHD so he got the diagnosis no problem.
School were slow at picking it up but fully support the diagnosis now.

@pennysarah I know DS2 will not score anything on the schools questionnaire. During his autism assessment, they told the team he made excellent and sustained eye contact with everyone. DS2 has terrible eye contact, he can’t look his own family in the eye and this was confirmed at his assessment. I have no faith in his school.

It is a QB test I would like him to have; is this only available privately or do CAMHS also do this?

Probably depends on area. I don't think the nhs offer QB as standard. Some places will I'm sure just triage referrals and say 'doesn't meet criteria for assessment' but you could try and appeal that decision. Also check out whether you can find an nhs approved private assessor and get assessed under the 'right to choose' rather than CAMHs.
Maybe start educating on the teachers on what to look for so they can tick more boxes? Point out what you've noticed. I found once my son had a dedicated TA she could 'see' it more easily as she was more focused on my son and less distracted than the teacher so maybe rope in a TA if possible?
Also point out you were right about other SEN issues so you'd appreciate them observing more closely. I also found I was taken more seriously with subsequent children/issues - probably partially because I was more assertive.
If school isn't willing to listen is there another school that's better with SEN?

We have one DS who is currently being assessed privately for ADHD...his primary teacher said he is "just about managing" academically. Who on earth wants their child to just about manage?? We know something isn't right.

He struggles to focus on class. OP, if school have remarked on your DS not being able to sit still and talks constantly these are concerns and they should be supporting you if you need a diagnosis.

Grades should have nothing to do with it both my grammar school kids have diagnoses.
They are right in saying the schools report plays a role - but if you find a teacher you trust to fill in the form accurately and he is doing what they have said he does in class you should have no issues! My parents told my assessor they didn't think I had ADHD but when they filled in the form all the questions they answered yes to told the assessor a different story.
But unfortunately you do need to get the school to agree to do the form - is there a teacher you get on well with that has taught him previously that would agree to do the form?