Hi, I’m new here, looking for some support & solidarity, and some advice about a new development in parenting my depressed teen. My DD (15) has been depressed for a long time, at least 4 years. She’s self-harmed, made suicide attempts, written countless suicide notes, dropped out of school twice, struggled in multiple ways. We disrupted yet another suicide plan this week (found a hidden stash of paracetamol) and she’s not talking to us and says she hates me. I know it’ll pass. But it’s hard, and so tiring. She has ASD which I’m sure massively contributes to her anxiety & depression.

I’ve recently started to think about all the mental health struggles in my family & my DH’s, and feeling guilty for having kids. If we had a genetic heart condition we might not have had kids, but it didn’t even occur to me when planning a family to factor in mental health or neurodiversity. With hindsight that is a big factor in both our families, though only one relative has an ASD diagnosis. (Several others have behaviours suggestive of it). Several have or have had depression or Bipolar. I feel huge guilt that I’ve had a child who is so unhappy and who wants to die.

I wish I hadn’t had that thought. It’s now eating away at me. I wish I had thought about it at the time of trying for a baby. I naively hoped my children would be healthy & happy. I feel like an idiot for not considering genetics.

Does anyone have any advice? How do I get over this guilt? I’ve had some counselling but I can’t afford to keep going. (NHS couldn’t offer me any).