DC so upset by something seen on Internet OCD

[Cake4tea]

DC came across a cartoon on you tube that was innapropriate and made him feel sick. He reported it straight away and told myself. My DC has a diagnosis of extreme ocd and he obsesses often about doing something that will make him go to prison. No amount of reasoning is helping him at the moment. I have told him he's done the right thing by reporting it. What else can I do? He's spent the whole weekend on a massive low and I was up all evening with him last night.

Sorry to read this.

How old is your DC? I wonder if watching Youtube is a good idea, it is well known to be very negative for MH and if your DC has a diagnosis they might be better off not going on there at all.

No amount of reasoning is helping him at the moment. There is probably no point trying to reason it away, if reasoning worked then no one would have OCD for more than one day! I would simply try telling him how sorry you are he feels upset and try to demonstrate how you care for yourself when upset - make a hot chocolate, watch a favourite film, read a lovely book, play soothing music, do some drawing/colouring.

What was the subject matter?

I asked if it was something sexual and he said possibly, he said it felt very dark and he looked at the comments and he said that people were asking for more videos like that and it made him feel like it was something horrible, so he reported it. He could have completely taken it out of context as although we don't have a diagnosis yet we believe him to be on the autistic spectrum.

@Cake4tea How old is he?

Youtube is not a great place for kids. Or adults!

Nearly 15. No, I'm quite niave I think as I didn't realise there would be content like that on there. When I ask more about it, there was no obvious sexual content but there was obviously something dark going on, he didn't watch much as he was disturbed by it. It was an animae cartoon I think.

It might be a good idea to discuss just staying off Youtube as it is an unhelpful place? Unless they have something specific they use it for.

How are they at practicing self-care that benefits all MH conditions? Will they let you do something nice with them?

My daughter is only ten so obviously it’s a bit different, but she also has some OCD tendencies and sometimes really panics if she sees something she thinks is inappropriate online. I find the best thing to do is to go back through her history and watch it myself. Usually it’s completely benign stuff - eg once it was a man with no top on because it was a shaving advert! Sometimes it’s slightly creepy stuff which isn't report worthy but I can understand makes her feel uneasy. By watching it myself I can explain to her what is going on and either reassure her that it isn’t inappropriate or I can tell her I understand why it made her feel uncomfortable, we talk about how it made her feel and I usually advise her to avoid that platform/searching that in the future.

I wanted to watch it myself but he won't let me watch it as he doesn't want me to go to jail either! That's how his mind is working at the moment. He said he did go back to check it and he thinks its been taken down. Your poor dd, its so hard isn't it. He is having some private therapy whilst we wait for camhs and she is trying exposure therapy so he would repeat his worse thoughts and what he thinks will happen, but that feels so harsh.

I know your DC is 15, but if things like this trigger him it's worth having access so you can watch what he's seen. Perhaps have an agreement that you have access to what he sees or he doesn't watch it. I know this also doesn't address any of the actual issue, but I have an 8yo awaiting OCD diag and this is how we manage things. He knows he doesn't get to watch anything unless I have access and ultimate say over what he sees - easier said than done still, but it's one of the things we have going on here. In terms of exposure - it is harsh, but directly challenging the thoughts is the only way forward. When mine had a really hard time during lockdown, I realised help wasn't forthcoming, armed myself with knowledge about how to deal with him asking me to be a proxy essentially, he was roping me in to his compulsions without realising to comply with what his head was telling him and I had to get really consistent and properly dig my heels in. It is absolute shit, but I essentially told him I would not engage with terrorists the part of his brain that was telling him the things that had to be done to ease his anxieties and that I wouldn't be doing the things he was asking me to do. It worked extremely well, once I understood what I was actually dealing with. Depersonalising it really helps. You're not refusing them, you're refusing that bit of their thinking that isn't looking after their best interests. He's probably a bit old for the hidden chimp book but I think there's an adult version. I'll also find the videos (on youtube!) about OCD that I found helpful, just a sec.

thestudentaspect.com/the-chimp-paradox-explained/ - the book

Natasha Daniels' OCD parent help series:
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPqeklypAExuj1N24llEIJGdm3D9cW7Lw

Apologies if you've been through stuff like this already and it's old hat. I'd rather send you unhelpful things than hold off on stuff that might actually be useful, if you get me.

May also help to think of the therapy as him teaching himself to stand up to intrusive thoughts and quash the power they currently have over him. It's essentially a skill he needs to practice, the more he does it the stronger he becomes. Again, it's hard to know online whether I'm helping or being a pain in the arse - you won't hurt my feelings if you tell me to shove off. :)

He has been given exposure techniques. So he has to say to himself.
I will go to jail, my family will disown me, i will get arrested etc etc.
It's hard though.

Thanks for your reply. This all started when he was 11. At first I didn't know how to handle it and we would stay up all night and he'd want hours and hours of reassurance but that was giving ocd what it wanted. I HATE seeing him like it. I realise no amount of reassurance will help with these irrational thoughts.

It's so hard.

It's interesting that they are the phrases he has to use. Is there a reason that he can't say something like, "if I think these things they still won't happen?" is that specific wording important?

I really hope things improve for him soon.

Well that's just for this theme. So his fear after viewing the cartoon is to repeat what he fears the most so going to jail, getting arrested....so he needs to tell himself this 'could' happen and the anxiety is meant to reduce.

We have a ban on YouTube in our house for this reason. If you login online to your broadband account and check the buddy/parent settings and click blocked websites I block www.YouTube.com and m.YouTube.com to stop this. Nothing is safe on YouTube for children now as so much just slips through the net.